BOOK 9

 

                                                          CHAPTER 125

Motivation is all I see on my timeline. everybody wants to take from me. I'm never giving up on this shit right here. when it's on who's going to fold? this is the shit I see every day of my life. when you get shit done. you will see a lot of money. Coming in from all over the world. never let them see what you are doing. follow the rules of this game. battling the street life without going to war. I hope there's a better outcome. never let them get you upset. didn't we change a lot of money? ninjas forget so easily.

Women will be a woman it's the place you are in. it's how the race you are with doesn't value you. maybe it's time to change up or is this woman that called me today wanting to build a future with me? color blind means nothing to me. the way it shows you need one that's faithful. By writing these songs my daughter will be taking care of me. someone said I'm not going to say his name. when people see you succeeding those be the ones that usually change up. it's there I'm going down as one of the last of a dying breed. I can't change that. while I'm here I promise to raise hell.

Heartz of men. takes notes about the game. ninjas getting passes every day. if you know who's talking about my life story make sure they tell it the right way. it means nothing to me for an outsider to tell others what to do. but when it's coming from somebody that knows the game. You do not want to hear it. connect come on I need something I can sink my teeth in. do not make me wait for it. you can either hit me through a song. just let me know what's going on. when I talk I talk for real and things I say do happen.

Dumpin' yeah, it's hell on earth. let's see where this leads me. in the order, you pay attention to ninjas that are getting money. you can get all that you can get out of this game. if a ninja tries to take my life. I'm shielded the electricity will come inside of your soul. You think my angels won't let you take me without a fight. so I'm getting to this work and got this butterfly on my foot. didn't Jesus cross his legs? yes, it's on the side. the bottom left under and the right on top. universal is black what do you know about that?

It's times like this that one needs to get what one can get out of this game. the way I should. yes, it's hard. but we must fight to overcome. staying together as one can help so much. if you cannot understand that there's no need to talk about black lives matter. People we are killing each other. it doesn't matter as long as we get what we want out of it. the thought of coming together is something everyone needs to work on. traveling home just thinking about. all the good one can do by helping others.

This is the shit I'm talking about. excuse me for being blunt. who needs you when you always handling your business. I cannot get out of these streets. yes, I can move on with my life. my goal is to never let my family down. living for my kids can be so easy who doubted? Open up spots for two kinds. if it ain't the same treatment you throw out. that's the same treatment you get out of me. you got to watch your back for real. I live for my life to get better. looking out of the eyes of a man that been through a lot of hard times and is still able to get up and stand tall.

When you're silent about a lot of things. knowing the ones that pass are looking down at me. wondering where we went wrong. I can hear pac saying stay on my job. never let up keep grinding with no worries. wife looking down at the kid like that's how you handle your business. Fall off one day who knows? Lord have mercy on my soul. I'm asking why you pick me for this task. maybe I'm the one you trusted. I promise I won't let you down by any means. yes, I'm going to keep building until my last breath.

Don't sleep, wake up like this. this is fucked up. this game got me in my feelings never. we have gone ride with my pistol by my side. you want that left dot out of the baby nine. nobody wants to see you doing good. the whole world me and the mob getting marry. Irish a ninja would. this isn't anything for ninjas to be fucking with, S.M.M. yes that's who I'm down with. the second degree should be 100. I can't see maybe it could be me being color blind. a lot of yellow back. 5 popping which game are you playing? slashes stay on my job. can't wait to wake up don't sleep.

Holding her one more time in my arms is all I want to do. you think you can make that dream come true. I will be grateful trust me, your love is one of a kind. I know no man can love you better than the man you have now and that man is me. thinking about our children if it’s true and I’m not doubting it but Lord have mercy. you just had twins, I asked to see them and that’s exactly what you did for me. early in the morning. if there’s anything you need me to do I will do it. y’all get me roused up.

I’m wondering when will she call me in the middle of the night to wake me up. you always randomly hit me like that to see if I’m sleeping. I guess that’s her way to tell me she’s in the bed with panties on and a bra on and a t-shirt on. baby wake me up just make sure it’s on the weekend. are you trying to tell me that you are not scared of one night with me? that will turn into eternity, let me get my popcorn because of the way this movie is playing out. you need me to be more romantic. how about we get in the shower together?

                                                             CHAPTER 126

She left early to see me in the morning as I asked. I’m the one for you in my heart I want to show you how my heart can’t status. that means stay true to me and I will stay true to you. the one that I love is y’all. if you are out clubbing a real man won’t look at you. anyway, a man like me and that man be me. I’m looking for the ones that are working hard. when they retire pension to support their life. I’m working hard too so I can bring something to the table. the ones that are looking into the future. not the ones that are thinking about fronting right now.

If you look into my eyes you will see a man with deep emotions. I can’t tell y’all how much I love y’all. thank you for looking after me. I remember being in my apartment in convent. I had all of the ladies. some stayed the ones that were close to me. went and did their thing I’m kinder happy because I have new females that show this kid love. you shouldn’t feel like you owe anyone any explanation about what you have been through. I told y’all over and over I did nothing wrong.

So if I’m going threw withdrawals. how can you help me? when you tell me I have to wait before you give me your love. this shit doesn’t make any sincere. how long am I supposed to wait. when you were getting out of the shower? walking into the room with nothing but a towel on. lotion in up saying to yourself that thang is all mine and I accept. my mother asked to see a picture of you and your sister. she said you look just like your mother. I guess I’m on dubs if not let me know. children better are mine.

Bring your whole crew if that’s what you aim for. I will knock down the whole team one by one on Damu. you better straighten up and no I’m not upset. let’s just keep it clean. the red always lives in the city, the blessing is greater than any hate you keep doing your thang. Mark my words I’m here for you too. please don’t count me out. 510 she hit me with 1500 in blood codes. I said get back to me and Damu said I got back at you. you know who this is for. you gone let this dog in the door.

I'm going down from here. if I make it. it will be 711 albums. spending time with you. I'm glad that I have you in my life. I'm looking at the ones that are at home with me. I'm not looking at the ones that are in clubs with other men. keep mine to me and I will keep yours to you. by faith in God, we will be together trust God. when he gave Jesus his power. that man will be great with the right females in his life. I'm not letting you leave me. this is hard but for y'all, I'm willing to accomplish it.

I know I can be dying smart with love in you. hiding connection to you with us as one. being together in a time like right now. money comes with trust do you have that in yourself? planning this run and it's just starting. it should get better because I'm all in. you set this up because you want to see me win so I won. one thing I have learned is respecting your women. uplift her soul and keep her with you. so she doesn't have to be on these streets. kids yes I think about them every day from the time I get up until I go to sleep.

Yes, it's me and I'm not going anywhere feel me. you want diamonds you want money you want to shop until you drop. you should ask how long I'm willing to go. you can dig deep in my pockets and feel me. you can have whatever it is you want out of life. you are not dealing with a regular man. the more I get money the more you can spend. your cards have no limit understand me. this is what you get dealing with someone like me. price what you see you like it you buy it shorty.

Thank you for being a friend to me and a lover. you are truly appreciated from the bottom of my heart. when you have ladies that make sure you take care of the household. thus far I’m all yours, I’m not trying to hide any secrets from you. this is our love in this form, so either you messing with me or not. the Apple sure does not fall far from the tree. you always cover me from anything that can harm me. so for that, I owe you my life without you what will I be doing? I have no idea. so continue to be that strong woman.

Is that you saying I'm your first love baby? let's break this down so I can get an understanding of what you just said. if that person follows you and has good intentions for you. do you keep her in your life yes why not? if she is doing everything the right way for you. so I'm here to tell you to keep up the great work as my woman. the reason I don't want you outside like that. mainly because I don't want you sleeping with different men. I put you under my arms for a reason. you are a queen and I'm going to treat you like one.

Pressure is a son of a blank. she keeps telling me to man up and handle the business. I'm like what's the sense of all of this? she said all of what and I said you tell me you love me this much. she said because this is how much I adore you. I said thank you for staying in my corner. she said what's next I said summer is coming. this is the conversation we had. I said what if I hang out then boom find another woman and she scoops me right from under your eyes.

                                                                CHAPTER 127

You got me running around losing my mind. knowing dam well you look at me differently. tell me what I have to do for you. I’m praying for you and me. I know what I have in you. so why would I let you go? you saw me at my worst and you saw me at my best. this goes out to you. so watch my back because I need you. I’m on the right path growing up as a man. I don’t want to be doing only gangster shit. this pit bull is a red nose. the way to train me. show me that you are faithful to your man. look me in my eyes and tell me you care.

 

You don't want to make me look foolish. so she reacts to me. so I can be a better man. you are to show your woman that you love her. yes, she looks just like me, you have my heart trust that. I don't want you to go. so I'm giving this here my all. just in case you are insecure. I'm telling you that you don't have to worry about another woman. this goes out to all that's in love with me. make sure you bring the best out in your man. a man wants a woman that's about her business.

When Chucky was on his mission in the movies. I was handling business like he was in real life. when the seed of Chucky came out. I met lay and exchange my soul for Aaliyah's soul. so she can walk in this life on earth. you know who you is so just be her. I’m pissed off at you because in the movie she became the mother of Chucky is I right. yes, I am because I watched the movie just like everyone else. I’m trying to explain to you something it’s up to you whether you take what I’m saying.

How can I start to talk to a female? I think females that got their shit together are sexy as hell. I mean just by being faithful in a relationship. a woman that doesn’t take any shit from a man. one that doesn’t need a man for anything but me being a man I want to do for you. how many lifelines I have. this was my last one but I rise it up. what do you know about having a 1on1 lifeline? east side all the time. I love women that can help their mango in the right direction. one that knows how to take charge in a relationship.

I have thoughts in my mind that everything’s going to be okay. I just got a call from my mother telling me that you know who is thankful. she also said that she has to get out of her shell and listen she does not I repeat not have to rush. I’m working and she’s taking care of the children. when that time comes it will come. we have to let it happen naturally. you took the words right out of my mouth. we should always have a plan A before plan B come into place. also, you should be the giving person you are.

This is the part where I say you did so much for me. I can’t imagine leaving your side. the game you may take a fall but you have to get right back up. my soul was so hurt when mother called and said you want to yell. I said I want you and then I said summer arrives in a minute. what does this mean for me, when you call I will be on my way to the house. I’m not going to be out like that. what do you want from me care I’m giving you that, love I’m showing you that. the affection I want to hold you in my arms. pictures on my phone of you. this is what you told my mother to tell me and I did it.

I also remember meeting mother on your block and she said you met someone. on 7ave and he was driving a Mercedes-Benz and you said he was 22 years old. now that I think about it that's when you got pregnant right? you took what song I'm not even going to say. passing was shotgun. I also remember when I called mother she said y'all were on the corner. I said is there anything y'all need. you called me and asked for one hundred dollars. I came to the house and you rush me and for the first time, I said no but gave it to you the next week.

Do you clap back or let the people run with the game? that you have laid out. by the way I'm trying to get money. someone asked how much is too much money. you ain't never rich in this game. it's all loving what link and I was talking about. didn't he knock you out that's why you're mad. I know I can never trust people because I get money and who stops their money me that's who. I love a bad hitch shorty hitting my pockets. it ain't tricking if you got it. I'm sitting on a sycamore tree never again feel me.

At first, I didn't see what you were hinting at but now I see it. you always include me in your life and I'm thankful. you watch and see and have learned well from me. you are starting to act just like me. putting your mind on what you believe and for that, I will bring you a bottle of Moet tomorrow. if you wanted to know this my mother was born the day your daughter from her is one month and sixteen days. that's another sign of you being Aaliyah.

Yo growing up in a place where people carry wires on them and trust they are ready to use them.  as the person am I. I have to watch my back. this here ain't about these females. if you are trustworthy you live a long time. so don't worry about what happened in the past and move forward. I'm trying to keep the show on for you. I want the money fuck the fame. you can have that because my children can eat off of books. I want y'all in school, handle that and you will have everything you want.

                                                                     CHAPTER 128

I'm not too busy if you want me in your life. I will stop whatever it is I'm doing to give you my full attention baby. you are the one that I work this hard for and when I say you I mean you. the life we have is full of love. I want you to be able to buy what you need in this world. this is how I see it. you keep me sane why do you. she said because you need to focus on what it is that you are doing and I said I Noah. thank you for understanding.

If I say our anniversary is coming and I'm missing you. I want to pick up the phone to call you. you are so distant why is that? the only thing you have to do is say you want me in your life. I can't get over it y'all are having my children without me having sex with you. the reason people may ask is how he wasn't Jesus born without his father touching his wife. I have this dot in my hand. you know what that means right? when I went under murder then boom I'm having children now.

For all of the people in Birmingham. y'all know my child lay lay is down there. so y'all should be treating her as if I'm there. buy her things take her out and call her to check up on her. they said don't worry that is what we are doing. you know we have her back because her mother let her move down here. we know her mother changed her life into another female and we respect her. treat her just like you would treat your child and if you don't have children. treat her like she's yours. 

Strike one you missed strike two you missed. the third one she's fine as hell. I remember playing Nintendo you showed up when I asked you to. if this was my playing field. you get a pass for looking so thick. girl listen you know you got what I need to bring this man home. you are up to bat I hope you hit a home run. that ass is so fat you almost got me aroused. your body is so sexy. you were dressed so nicely everything was clean on your body. I want back-to-back hits.

Tell me how can I control this pain that I have, you are bad for me in a good way. relationships start with trust you have to know your partner. this is why you get to know someone before jumping into a relationship. you give her gifts to show you love her. even when you get with her you always remind her why she first got into a relationship with you. you have to keep the fire burning in your relationship. shower her with things if she’s worth it. it will be senseless to be in a toxic relationship.

How can you help a man be a man? this is the question that most women want us to answer right. let me let you in on a little secret be there for him. never tell him he can do something especially when it has to do with his manhood. the way the game goes let him fail by himself. she said that's some bad advice and I said why. she said because if he's my man I want him to win. that was a little test to see what you were going to say and you said exactly what a man wants to hear. so continue to be that woman that I need.

My lucky charm this only happens once in a while. you get dressed and I take you out and we show you out in the city. the first time I asked you do you want to go to a concert and you said what you said. I fell right to sleep. please don't forget I asked you did you want to go to the movies or to get something to eat. I still want my date or are you curving me? be that woman that keeps her promise and stays down for me. I know we have some disagreements. I'm working on myself so you should work on yourself. so when we come together we have everything straightened.

Are u still down? I can't get upset about the fact that you want me. I mean look at me don't I look good? she said you have a big head. I said that ain't never mind to grow for you. by the way how old are you. she said I'm old enough for you. I said nowadays females be young and I can't get caught up with that. by the way the last time I had any sexual contact I was 18 years old. she said you are still wet behind the ears. I said yeah I still have Simlack on my breath. so what does that means I can't lay it down and she said we just have to see.

I remember when you were going to college. I gave you the money to pay your tuition. someone to love you I know we all have ruff ends. you got into the school because you pass your test. I have been here from the beginning ever since I came back home. you know it's funny because as I'm trying to get on my feet. your mother called me over to where she was at. oh, she wants me in your life but is that something that you want? you have to let me know if that's something that you think about and if so take your time.

I remember my First Lady. you made everything seem so senseless to me because you would tell me to do something and I would back talk to you. life has a very funny way of spreading love. I’m so into you and please don’t doubt me because you are my first love. if I had a perfect life you would be in it. life grows with us together. I never want to let this feeling go. I lost you once and I don’t plan on losing you again. it’s funny how women can make a man stand his ground. I want us to look life right in the eyes.

                                                              CHAPTER 129

This global warming yes it’s getting hot outside but trust me. I’m not looking for another woman. for those that are with me, my heart is content trust me. when I look at the family we have built. let no man or women come in between us. y’all mean the world to me. I have so much love for y’all. I would lay down my life for my children. trust me there is plenty of time my life was on the line. this is for anyone that has lost someone close to them. I know my wife is resting in heaven knowing I’m not crossing her.

You have to make life the best that you can. I’m trying to leave the mothers of my children something to pass down to my children. if Jesus is in me he will deliver life in a new light because it sure gets dark. climbing on clouds can be a great trip. people look at me like I’m the enemy. I have learned people that who are close to you will change. I shouldn’t look for people to support me as long as I’m supporting myself. when I make it by remaining strong until that day comes, I’m going to ride it out.

The more I work the more I’m tired. I know my family and I want this more than ever. so I have to finish this. I’m never moving fast I like to move at my pace. I don’t want to close the book right now. so just pray for me. I know I’m not Writing a song about guns so much because my family doesn’t want to hear that. I’m trying to cater to my family's mind. this is what got me in the mood to start writing about how much I love them. sometimes I may talk about the other stuff. I need y’all to understand that this man is in your life.

Being that strong man for the ones that love me and trust I love them back. it's so hard fighting this fight without you here or are you in this lady's soul? you have to talk to me more. so I can understand what you are thinking. so your friend started this conversation, not controversy. you bet not show your ass either. when I say ether I'm saying got to get her. you are my woman right? so be that woman that our children can look up to. I'm here for you if you don't change I will not change you.

You ought to look into what you are doing before jumping into something else. I know there are other men in this world. I know they have flashy cars and houses and nice clothes. you want something that you can see or something that's building for eternal life. building wealth is hard buying it comes and goes. what about putting our children in a position where the children will benefit in the future cause that's what I'm doing for them. how about when we get up in age we can look back and say we did that for our children.

Crossing the street with your auntie running to me. I asked you did you want something from the store and you said yes. oh before I forget you hugged me. your auntie walking behind us and I open the store door and you walked in, I held the door for your auntie. we got in the store and you pulled a dollar and your auntie said put your money away. you got what you wanted from the store and then your auntie said say thank you and you did just that. you walking with your uncle I saw you and you ran to me and asked me for some money and I said how much and you said I don't know.

The plan is to stack how much I can stack for a rainy day. my children need to know that I will show them that it's a better life that I am building for them. this shit is hard sometimes I feel like giving up. people from here don't mess with me. why because I keep it real and I'm not like these other ninjas out here who dick rides for money. you have to live up to your expectation. it's all right to be a real one, I can't trust these females because one might try to set me up and I can't have that.

Your plan has to be the same as my plan or else we will get mixed up. I remember walking to 151st early in the morning and you looked at me like am I going to work? I looked back at you and in my mind said I have to be there in the afternoon. another time you and your sister were walking up the block together and you said you want me. she just looked at me with these stars of love in her eyes. I take nothing back because you have shown me that you are her and I respect that.

I pumped mad shit when I was young. if 12 got a document you know it's been 27 years. I have been handling my business. get your money young kids while I want to see y'all win. some of these people my age don't like me for what. this goes out to all blocks I'm from 151 convents. this is where I did my dirt. then started hanging on the hill you know we all from the hill battleground. this makes it harder to blank me. sure I had to throw that vest on. so Jesus and God can watch me.

Are you still in love with me? it's funny you never show it. your friend said you and her were in a bad situation in your past relationship. is that telling me something because you got my mind blank up? it seems like things never changed with us. you say one thing then do another. how am I supposed to get it? you are bad in a good way. if you put up a fight I will put up a fight to stay together for as long as we can tolerate one another.

                                                                 CHAPTER 130

Here we go with my mother telling me about her niece that's pregnant. I want to know do this has anything to do with seasons change because if it's mine. I'm willing to be the best father that I can be. when I look at the picture that you said look at. yes, she looks like me and you name her Leah for what. I'm digging deep into what is said and reading more into the words y'all use. yes, I want to keep you right here with me because I'm a lucky man with you beside me.

The way she parts my hair the way she takes her hands and put braids in my hair. dear Lord, I know she's a strong educated woman. the way she expresses herself and uses big words. you will think she's a woman of God because of the way she speaks. she said something that stood out to me. she said some people are smart visually and that's how I am smart. for every man get you one that understands you because the relationship will go a long way. she called me honey I should've said, bye baby.

The closer I get to you. Do you want me to tell you more, Do you understand so far what I have written, and if so can I get an amen? you should always help people because that's where your blessings come from. that's why I put this young lady under my wings. so I can show her the right way and for her not to be in the streets. letting her understand that I care for her and I love her with all of my heart. from the beginning, we form a close friendship that turned into a family right, or am I mistaken?

If you getting down let it be felt that you get down. this blank shit was way different back in the day. we would've never let people in it without getting initiated. some of y'all never did that 31 seconds and never put work in. back then you had to be strong-minded in this game. what's hood with all this gangster shit? nobody knows when Jesus was resurrected. that's why this has so many different days. UBN was always under one umbrella. nowadays people fight amongst one another.

So a man never wants a female that has kids by someone else. the only thing that’s going to happen is you have more kids. I just want to back away from that situation but people keep calling me. I can’t make up my mind because she did her thing meanwhile I was handling my business. she writes things like she’s looking for a new relationship. please just go on without keeping me hanging around. the more you do and I don’t know. the more the hate build up for y’all. so if you see this post let me go my way.

I just saw a post that said the people that used you don’t get upset about it. he also said it might look good but it’s not. he also said don’t get mad just move on with your life and that’s what I plan on doing. he also said the people that showed you love when you were helping them out and then that person stop calling you. something like that happened in my life. it doesn’t matter because I’m setting up general wealth for the ones that are here with me. it doesn’t bother me because I’m looking into the future of my kid.

Calling me last night to ask me something about did I watch smoky Robinson but I didn’t answer the phone. you called back the next day when you want to talk to one another. let’s see how this is going to play out. you say you are good and mingling, you called to tell me that, and then when I say something you respond differently. I’m going to write about whatever’s going on in my life. this is what a writer does so get used to it. the next move is on you so make your move wisely feel me.

She understands that I put so much into this relationship or what would you call it? you want me to stick around and I just don’t know why. yes, you wanted to start with me because I was minded my business out here. I know it hurts the way life is going but trust me I’m in your corner. it seems like you want me to leave. if that’s so just let me know by never calling again. then I will get the hint and move on. you can’t keep me around just to be around. I know names connect and that’s the important part, right?

You say you gonna love me. I know you want to fight over the text I just sent but what are you going to do? you always showing your ass. you think I’m out here cheating on you but the real question is are you cheating on me? you want that rough sex I know I’m not acting the way you want me to. you have me thinking double time because I’m wondering what if you are cheating. you don’t want to let me come into your life. this is that shit that gets me upset for real.

Let’s just get down to it. I’m not going to fight with you when you feel like fighting. you better straighten up and get your act together before I leave. is this a sign that you want out of this relationship? you have taken everything that I own. so I have a problem with it nope. you have my mind breaking down. I need to man up and stand on my two feet and put one foot forward before you leave me. you better understand this will never happen again. you have to turn the cross on Jesus' back to get to my heaven.

                                                              CHAPTER 131

You want me to be or not. I have concluded that you want out. you lose the person that wants you the most. only time will tell if this going to be until the end of time. if I tell you that I love you what do you say to that? you made your mind up with or without me. the pictures were for Holding this special place in my heart for you. the woman that I need in my life. I gotta be the one you love. do you promise me what I have promised you? if not then walk out right now before this heart that I have get hurt.

Damu you know the kid run threw the city. who side are you on I see shit but we can keep the small talk for others. I wake up with the bull shit on my mind. ain’t know yellow back over here and if you want me to be Mr. freeze I am for you. for those that don’t know that knowledge that I just kick. the First one who’s pussy, not me and the second one means I’m falling in love. you will never catch me 801 and if you don’t know what that means it means stress. you know when you want me to talk to you. that blood knowledge comes out of me o50!

Where does this get me? when you say ask me a question and that’s what I did. I hope you see threw it and be there for me. if you walk like her this is exactly the way she would be acting. you tell me what you want me to say to you. I’m going crazy as time gets longer. I’m falling more and more in love with you. I can’t make up my mind because you have this thang on me. this is for everyone that’s in my life. yes, I love y’all with my whole heart because we are together. I changed my whole life up just to be here with you.

 

You say you love me. I just want you to show me. no one’s going to come between us. you have a man in me. having a man that wants to make all of your dreams come true. are you shame of me or do you respect me and look up to me? if it rains I will put my raincoat on just to be safe. what do you think telling me you want a son? please take your time. only time will tell if we are meant for one another. this here shows me that you are ready to be with me.

All My life I have been looking for someone like you and I have found you. I don’t want to give up on this thang called love. you ought to take what I have said and believe in me. you are my queen. I want to walk until the end of the road to be with you. I thank God for putting my family in my life. I’m able to take care of my business because of y’all. you put this smile on my face no bullshitting. I ask God every day what made him put y’all in my life. I think because I have been a good man to anyone that I came in counter with.

I know you changed your mind and decided to be with me. my world is going up and down. can you show me how to love you? I need help she said you can’t manhandle. nine out of ten times she will cook you something to eat. if you deserve it because that’s how you can tell a woman is digging into you. let me say this my brother Bleek had his daughter on the 4th of July and you had your daughter on the 7th. what’s the math in that, that is something that I wanted to say. what I have found about the connection you have connected to who has no names.

I will do anything for you. when I spotted you that day. I felt a connection to you. I’m trying can’t y’all see that some men only have a couple of children? I have to take care of a lot of children can you count because I lost count. I didn’t let y’all down, right? I see you looking at me and I’m looking at you. when was the last we laid down and took care of our emotions roller coaster? it’s been a while right am I sitting here getting mad no. I’m working to take care of the responsibilities that I have. I’m working overtime to make up for the time I missed.

The things y’all do for me. uplifting me helping me get past the temptation of other females. when you want a home to call your own. you will risk it all for the ones you love. if you have God By your side anything is capable of happen in your life. when I came back home. I took it one day at a time. I never moved too fast he was telling me to slow down. this is why I stopped smoking because it was bothering me. I had to get back on my job and handled business. the way it’s supposed to be handled.

You know that being here makes this grown man. if I was in the streets hustling it may end badly. I have people that work for me and I’m talking about the connections that I have. why do you think I do this? it’s either you are a friend or foe you can’t be both because playing two sides can get people killed. I was always the one to hold my family down because I love them. I’m trying to write my wrong into my rights. so you and my children can look me in the eyes and I can look them in their eyes. I have a lot of love inside my heart.

Falling for who and why do things have to be so difficult to get to know you? asking a question like that cause a man think other than what he is thinking. her mind can be on that or the question wanted a direct answer and that's what I gave her. we have to stick together until we can figure this out. the love I have for my family. y'all know how a man moves and what he wants to hear right? I guess that's a women's intuition, so I just have to sit back and let her lead.

                                                                  CHAPTER 132

I'm not lying you are my queen believe me. I want this life we have to continue to go the way it is going. you uplift this king make me feel like I'm the only one you want in your life. I need a girl. I'm in it for now and forever. you say you want one that you can build with. I'm tricking no I call this taking care of the women in my life. even God had a mother when Jesus was born. the mother of Jesus was a virgin and the dot that I have in my hand was the birth seed right or wrong.

I still remember the first time I laid eyes on you. I called your mother and she said that you were missing in action. I know that means you miss Ellison. you always know what to say to me. you always have the right words to describe how I'm feeling or what I am thinking thank you. I listen and learn from what you say. you want me to have a deep thought about what I hear. this is for all of the ladies that are in my life I love y'all. you plan and this is what you get. the outcome is greater and I appreciate it.

Yeah, I copied you. when I saw you wearing Adidas I went and coped a pair just to match you. you have to a meant we use to dress similarly to one another. meaning when you walked down the ramp. you felt like something was wrong but trust me nothing is going on when we stopped seeing one another. you put fake shades on to tell me to stay outside longer. like I said there can't be dark and light in the same place at the same time understand? things sure do have a domino effect. so let's put this in its proper perspective. we fight every moment to stay in each other life.

My ninjas get down at any time trust me. can you look a man in his eyes and take his soul to the upper level. that means you are a real ninja. no that does not define gangster shit. when you are a family man that makes you a man. that is something that I want to be looked at. so my kids know I care for them. seeing y'all today y'all are the ones I do this for. anyone can blow off a ninja top but can you educate a generation to do better than us? shit is only getting harder in these streets blacks killing blacks. you can impress me by teaching men.

What is the price you are willing to pay for your children to have more than you had? you asking me if I'm willing to lay down if it comes to it but you have to worry about this dot that I have in my hand because it controls the rain feel me. Will she love you or will she love you not? the notes that you have to write down is she's here now. if I was doing her dirty then I can see her doing her thing if something happen to me. I better get my shit tighter and dam I can never light up again. spark one of them blunts for me on Damu.

What I don't understand and what I won't tolerate is you walking out of my life.  I'm willing to put up this fight until my life is over. the greatest thing the devil did was make people think he doesn't exist. I know the truth all of the Gods are the same with different personalities. I think they were born in different rounds and they are trapped in me. if you don't believe me then what I write you can't comprehend. the way people counted me out and for God to bless me and give me the strength to overcome obstacles feel so good no cap.

Believe what you want just know that I love my family. the family will always be a part of my heart. my biggest fear is my family leaving because of something that I did. thank you for the Birthday wish. you know who I am talking to. I know we have come a long way to be a family. I promise as long as I'm able to take care of our family I will trust myself. even if I hit the ground I will never let y'all fall with me. the man is supposed to grind hard for his children and the mother of my kids. the love will remain here.

Hi, y'all the loves of my life. this wouldn't be possible if it wasn't for you trusting and believing that. growing up is real when you have females that love you the way you love them. holding your hand walking down the street and you looking at me like it's all love thank you. coming home seeing this fine woman and I know she's with me. I want to know if my mind playing tricks on me. silly rabbit tricks are for kids. my kids are great so fighting with the inner me isn't something that I'm playing into trust me.

Shit happens its what you do when something happens. put your two hands up and fight or yell at one another. being a grown man means not getting into an altercation with anyone. you are a grown man this replayed inside of my mind. this is something that my wife will say to me. you have to keep your head up, one way you cross the street with a hoodie on your head, and the other one you are dressed down. looking as good as you want to look both looks are stunning. always remember that okay?

While you lay there thinking about me. meanwhile, I’m thinking about you. I know when I’m sleeping I dream of you. I’m trying to get inside of you. I hope you don’t take this the wrong way. you know I feel you. we need to work more on ourselves to be a better man for you. you erotic let me get on top of you. I’m telling you everything that you want to hear. I promise to show out when that day comes when you let me inside of you. is this a double take you're fine as hell trust me? I only have eyes for you.

                                                                  CHAPTER 133

She’s saying make sure I have her back haven’t I. all I try to do to make sure you are okay in this lifetime. I stood up and handled the business at hand for you. there wasn’t anything that I wouldn’t do for you. a lot of females say women shouldn’t depend on a man. I’m the man in your life and I want you to depend on me. shit, I been here all of your life taking care of you. why leave women that I can see myself spending the rest of my life with for women that sleep with different men all of the time?

What if I want to lock what we started and never let it go. the times have changed for sure. we only see one another once in a while but when I see you looking as good as you look. I know everything’s taken care of. from me to you baby you are my heart. I want to make you proud of me. it doesn’t matter how long it takes trust me. I’m doing my best to show you. how a man feels when he is in love with you. the goal is to get all of y’all in one house. when that happens y’all will be walking around in t-shirts and panties can’t wait.

What will a female do if you walk out of her life with everything that you own? I’m sitting here wondering if that’s option no. when we have it bad for one another. yes, I’m thinking about you. she should know if she wants in this relationship she has to give up the good. I think she already knows that and if she doesn’t tap her on her shoulder tell her. it might be hard but if she can break that habit for me. she probably already wants it and is not scared of the night we spend together. side by side is always an A plus.

Picture me rolling in a 500 honey bent over this microphone on another level feel me. ninjas tried to blaze me once. I hear you loud and clear. okay, what have people you dealt with shown you other than the streets? banging for the wrong people out here. I move doe low out here and never really asked people for anything except a handful of people and anyone that I ever did business with me knows how I get down. I do this for people without a voice people that once were in the streets but are not in the streets anymore.

When you get to the money females will come for you. you can’t mess with females that just want to be with you for the money you make. ninja when mase needed help he called me that’s who. they are saying what you do to a camera that you throw away when you finish with it disposable right like sporty. so keep that shit the only reason is that I’m getting older and raising my children is something that I take great pride in and any man that wants to be there for his children would say.

As I was addicted to the dark side. y'all can keep listening to them. let me tell you how it started right. my friend and I were walking down the block on 150 and this person came up to us and told us about two girls right to make a long story short. I have respect for you and always will. later on, said he was going to fight me over it. I'm walking to his block to talk to him about it and he wilding ran up on me. the reaction I swang and hit him, mother call me and told me to say sorry. this is where all of these problems come from. I knew seven sisters at first but that was a way to sleep with one of them.

I'm here to help put people in a position to win. what you want from me. you got her and have children by her. remember you started this so it's on for life. you always say people like me told on who. this blood shit means Damu is in my hand. what you bang for you not watching other blood. you want people to handle the business that you have on these streets. if you can't understand this isn't for you. the only thing the streets have is black justice or death. why do you want people to have only two options? you should want to better yourself and the people around you.

Back that up why are you acting like that? PAC told me to handle this business before I lay down with anyone. you need to be stable in life. you should always stay on your job before you get sidetracked. meanwhile, you playing a game that everyone is in. so get money while you are here on earth. people say money is the root of all evil. pay attention to the ones that do anything for the love of money. New jack city opens up another spot. let them seize work that only means I have to pay them for my work to get back in my possession.

What you see is what you get bottom line. hustle hard or don't hustle at all feel me. you get into this game with thoughts that you are going to be a winner. playing outside where people get bodied during an action. that take place by making moves on these streets. the connect I'm still looking to see more out of y'all beware of the dogs. doing only gangster shit 5 popping red light green light. this is my body unity love lust and soul. we have to stay with one another if we plan on moving forward in this life. I don't want to go to black justice feel me.

If I can turn her head maybe this wouldn’t be so hard. I don’t know if she loves me but I’m trying everything to keep her with me. if another man comes in and scoops her up. I will be upset because she’s a nice woman. who am I playing with her mindset maybe on another man? the reason may be a reason that I can’t fix right because I’m not there in a physical form. I want her to know my heart is there and trust me it’s in the right place. when you have two people that love to work will get the job done.

                                                             CHAPTER 134

Sitting back watching you take the route that will get you to your destination and that is with me. I’m following the man upstairs he has shown me the way to love women. growing pains always get to me because it hurts my heart that you are so beautiful. my mind turns off and on riding with you until eternity that’s how it’s supposed to be. I’m asking for some more blessings because Lord knows I need them. what’s a World without the person that you want to spend the rest of your life with?

Sitting here catching up on empire it’s so hard knowing that it’s talking about stages a man takes to get his life back together was hard. one thing I know I will never let her go because she is my strong belief. this one lady I’m looking at wanting to be active with. I’m trying to understand if this is something that she wants. naming kids after names that are close to me. I’m wondering when I went under murder like I did they drain you know what out of me not knowing if I was or was not going to make it out alive Thoughts.

Grinding became one of my strongest points when she yes came inside of me. I remember the dream I had, it was a dream that I will never forget. it was a portal between sex money murder a camcorder was recording me looking out like next will be left eye. then inside of me released and I woke up at 5:38 and the morning news said that you pass away on a plane and instantly my heart broke. then next left eye passed away, and this young lady helped me put the pieces back together in my life.

Sorting out problems that can happen if you don’t protect the one you love. it’s so many things that you can do for her. like make her the queen of your castle for real, show her things that she has saw be mindful of your surroundings and keep a close eye on her. she needs to know that you care for her and respect her and you will provide anything for her. I’m not just saying this to make you believe it. I’m saying this to let you know that the love we share is contagious to me.

This that shit you can vibe with before you know it you're in these streets handling business. you feel like you can’t be touched and then the feds have you locked up and then they say they have an indictment on you. shit, I don’t want to go down like that so I have to stay ten toes down. the way you move will determine if you will stay out here on these streets with your family. you can’t turn a blind eye to street codes. the way I see things I have to get this shit taken care of before it’s too late. so you should make wiser moves.

If I say thank you so do you think I mean it? the smarter the more beautiful you become. talking isn’t one of my strongest points. the game the streets kept this man's mouth shut because I don’t want people to think I will tell on them. you follow what the streets say no that’s not true but if you are going to play this game. you accept the responsibility that comes with it. the only thing that keeps me out of the streets is y’all and my kids. I want to live to see them get older. this is what gangster is to me. I’m not turning my back on y’all.

I don’t think about leaving this earth now but if it came to that. will you continue to be faithful to me? what I can’t see or feel touching on your body. when was the last time you had sexual contact oh my fault. she said never or if she did it was only with me is that right yes. I want to see what that thang hit for, you are making me wait this long it better be some gold thang. she said don’t worry about that she got me. let’s just take our time you don’t have to rush baby. I requested you to be in my life is that right yes.

Get money until the day I die never give up fuck that shit. you know this is the way my mother raised me. if I die tonight. you can’t feel my pain before you judge me walk a day in my shoes. this is the way people give it up in the streets. telling ain’t in my blood follow the way this young man ride or die. only God knows when he wants me to meet my shorty. she might I hope she’s on this earth right here with me. everything adds up so yes this is my last breath. I’m knowing I have to keep my foot on this game neck never fall off and try never to fail.

Calling a female out by her name is something that I won’t do. we never fought or yelled at one another. we have to be teammates if we want this world to be ours. we came too far so let’s continue to prosper and live life to the fullest. I want you to have all of the glamorous things that this world has in it. we have to give thanks to the highest. this is his body if I had nine lives and this one was the last one to see if I’m strong enough to be him. I had to go through so much torture to get where I am today.

Yo, I've been waiting for some time now, what is the hold up on that white girl? it seems like it's taking a long to show that things are still moving out there. this is all for gangsters all across the world. if this shit doesn't stop from being who after who and keep it on the low. how can we pull together and take care of the game that we are in. everybody wants to be a boss. listening to you know who it was all good a week ago. you think that gangster shit would've got dam you would've handled what. you weren't even there back in the days paid in full.

                                                                CHAPTER 135

Baby don't cry it seems like this man that used to love her yeah right. Are you saying all of this just to capitalize off of this? you had a baby by your wifey for life right? this is one of the reasons she came inside of me. what people don't want to see the truth but Harlem does. every person in this bitch going to feel me. even if this means over my dead body. I'm trying to do all I can do from the jump. he's like a talkative female who always wants to make it about him yeah right I'm here.

Covering you because I'm in your life until the end. baby, I don't ask for much but when I ask. you should do because this here will be there for you for the rest of your life. you have all of my time, you have shown your ass once too many. so now it's my time again to show you how I can get down. you know I'm just playing this home I love. you do things for me that I need. in this lifetime I promise to show you that I don't want anyone else. being a woman is hard I know as men we have to uplift you and guide you in the right direction.

I remember walking across the street. walking passed the store to see something that stayed in my mind. wondering if I will ever touch her because if he did then I don't want to. I can't see myself putting my man inside of a female that another man hit. if this is not true then we got something going on. I'm saying this just to let you know I'm not playing double relate because this is for the females that have been faithful to me. talking about I told on who or ran yeah right. when the bloods started wilding out because of me. people know what it is before. I'm going to mac feel me.

We have this thought that people from other parts of Harlem love us. every time I saw said he showed love to me. I'm just sitting here thinking how can this be true. the life people take from others for what. the fight and the grind are all a part of the hustle. the game females will set you up. this is why I'm not in a relationship right now. you have to watch your back at all times. take me, for example, it is the ones that know you that set you up. I trusted so-called females and they stabbed me in the back. dealing don't bring scared business to me.

Let me break this down going threw this shit to get some more tracks done. followed you for this long and now I'm to the next one. The picture says so much I got you. you think I'm falling behind but I don't think so. I'm getting to this money I still have to see out of my third eye feel me. this shit might go over your head. this is the roc feel me. you need to understand that we will never fail. we will still be on top of the game. how can you oversee the man that's still on his feet and continue to stay strong in this game?

What were females doing when the kid was out of town? let me guess this person keeps. letting me know that he had her so what. whoever feels some kind of way. you say you are on some uplifting shit but keep ringing my bells get off me. I'm not worrying about any of them. I see where this is going y'all all on the other side. this is the game live by it or die by it and I can't let a hitch lead me in the wrong direction. it's so many females out here. I have to make up my mind about which one I want. if I may ask what's the outcome just pay attention now.

I want what from me to you mix this flow into this gangster shit. I hope this shit still sticks with you from when we were young. you said I'm supposed to rap right after you on my life. so you say I can bring you out of retirement. I know you will get on track with me. this goes out to all of my ninjas that's been here with me from the beginning of time. if you don't know you will figure it out soon that I'm one of the best and yeah it's a New York City thing. please everybody can eat but why NY people don't eat with NY people?

Plucky came to holla at me today and I'm thankful for that. this follows the game that I'm thinking of. why is that how many billions of people need and then they put the drug connect on world star? will it stop him from taking care of his business no? you know what I say keep that shit coming. what you want from this young man half of y'all need God. I'm in it for the long run will she follow me? girls all over town this is why I say you got to duck both connect right yes. whatever you need let me know people say this is tricking I think not.

If I tell you I love you it's because I mean it. you have helped me change for the better trust me. the way you entered my life and took hold of my life. I thank all y'all for loving me. I know I have a family with y'all. I'm doing this for us and our children. so when they get older they will have money in their bank account. I'm not giving up on myself so please don't give up on me. when I first came home I meant I didn't know where this relationship was going or if y'all wanted me in y'all life. I haven't seen anything wrong with the ones that I love. I knew you were the one for me when I laid eyes on our family.

Do you want to ride with me and also ride with a man that knows how to work your body out? you can get on top and make moves like you want to. I can get on top of you. you want a man that has a lot of money but money isn't everything trust me. what if this man loses it all again will you be there for me? I need one that wants to see me continue to win. you can have everything you set your mind to. how is this going to go? do you want to get out now I'm taking my time to make sure the business side of the company is strong. strong can go both ways trust me. you are the love of my life. just got off the phone and she said, change baby.

                                                          CHAPTER 136

If this dot works inside of you can I get an amen? looking at the way you look at me. I want to get close up on you and let our minds connect to one another. God says when you follow his way you will be gifted and guess what I have. you look like a sexy woman and not young-minded. we ought to keep our bodies to one another and let no one come between us. if I slashed your temple let me know. how does it feel I think this was given to me for one reason and that reason is to respect my family. I plan on respecting my family for the rest of the time I have on this earth. they say the good die young.

I know I will try my best to make it home to you. just in case you see someone different than your love. I'm getting upset and I'm big mad because I thought my love will make you happy. you know how much I love you because you see me as I am. you are my better half I think you think the same right? he can't get mad because all of the other females were with other men when we were home getting things taken care of. so why when it's at its best they can come in and reap the benefits that we have? I'm only looking for lovely ladies that trusted me. so if this is you I love you thank you.

When I called some time ago after we stop seeing one another. you said you were trying on some jeans. you know the way this story goes makes it hard for your man to look at another female. I will do anything for my children as long as I'm able to do it. I want to rub on your legs because you know I'm a leg man. the way you cross your legs with that dress on. I'm crossing the street you standing right there looking good as ever. this is where it all begins from the first I have seen double take you got me open and with your sexy ass why wouldn't I be.

Can you tell me what's on your mind right now? holding you for life you are my queen my guess is you want to stay here because of what you know and this is something that get you threw the day. who cheated for real because everything I did was in-house. but if you stepped out you were laying up with a man that you never knew and had a relationship with him. I'm trying my best not to go behind another man. I have to look my child in the eyes and tell her I never crossed her mother is that you, this fighting wondering if you want to be here or not. the way you laugh when you were doing my hair. can someone tell me why names match two Aaliyah?

Followed by four-leaf clover that's the match that I'm talking about. she must have seen something in me that people couldn't see in me. if I explain how I feel am I soft or am I keeping it real with myself? I can't wait to undress you followed by you cooking me breakfast in bed. you already made me dinner and lunch before. I'm trying to be there early in the morning with you waking up next to your baby. If I told you I'm for you, believe me. this soul is protected by God and Jesus stands for the j is for Jeremiah and the es stands for Ellison and the us stand for usher. this is the three men that died on the cross. 

So when is it okay for this person to talk about who I'm laying the pipe to. she wants a kid from the hill that's where it's at. why are you talking about drugs a key where a brick where. I wish people stop talking about them moving that much and ain't moving shit. look the south got QC and I got RN this is the reason New York City people can't cum together. if the money is right you got it so stop trying to take shots at uptown okay? gaming these chicks nowadays is hard because they are getting to the bag. you call it what you want if people from the hill don't see it the way you are saying it, what you are saying but I take this hill shit to the heart.

So I'm continuing the stories that I wrote. how will this come out what about your mother being younger than you? if you ask me Jesus' mother implanted a seed inside of her and guess what it was Aaliyah and you can't shake it. you have to think like that because of everything that's been going on with my writing. say it all about it Godmother is the same lady because it was written to be. she tried to get a nut and she got a nut and what. you should be proud and hold your head up.

If she wants to be in my life. she can not be up in other guys' faces because I'm not in other females' faces. it all started with this dark night that came my way. I'm still standing strong for our family. you made this up to cover your tracks. you don't want people to know what's going on with me and you. I have this dark spot on my hand is that a calling for you to be in my life? I can't give up now because this man sees things coming together in due time. so what we ought to do is live our life the right way.

People die by guns it seems like no one wants to live their life. you may not see what I see but if you ask me what I see I can explain it to you. you have to be conscious and fearful of life because at any given time life can change by the second. now we are looking into the next year hoping it brings us joy in life. the way we are going to get a piece of the pie is if we stick together as on. the body only can take so much in life. growing applying the pressure that we won't give up. we have to take our time and let life take its toll.

Dying with the pain of restoring the body the mind and the soul. she has stuck by me since day 1 and I mean when I returned home. thank you I know our children meaning all of my kids are the best trust me. I know what y'all are going through right now. I want it just as bad as y'all want it. waiting this out I know you have everything that you want. money can't buy love it helps out with the things you need in life to survive. so you ought to do your best to love me from afar because I'm trying my best to love you from afar.

                                                         CHAPTER 137

My writing takes away some of the pain that I have. I do this so people can understand what I am going through at that time. lifting my people up focusing on the right stuff and leaving the bad stuff out ok you want me to say negative and positive? you have to make a map and use it every day of your life. so you know right from wrong in the future. you ought to make mistakes so you can learn from them if you do not make mistakes how will you learn? life has a funny way of showing you reality so stay woke.

Sorting out this problem we have. men have to step up and love our queens because sooner or later. it will all fall on us to be the men of the house. how can we teach our young women to value themself in this life? you shouldn't have to give up the goods until you are ready. I'm here for the long run because I want one that I have to chase and not an easy one. After all, if it was easy for me. it will be easy for another man to come in and sweep her off of her feet. I love when y'all play hard to get. this will keep me on my game and my toes feel me. so continue.

You know you are the one for me. you always told me I'm going to want you back. I'm doing everything in my power to get my baby back. the game isn't the same without you. I know you are in someone else life. if I told you the dot changes your soul into Aaliyah would you believe me? I'm trying to teach you that your soul is strong because of who you are. a very strong woman. I'm trying to write my wrongs the best way I know how you move like a woman that has her head on her shoulders and I mean that figuratively.

If you can have your way which way would you have? up top or down bottom side to side. what's your favorite position? I'm with whatever you like. as long as I'm doing it to you. you have to walk with the man you want to be with. a great woman will help her man accomplish what he needs to accomplish. a woman will lift a man up beyond his highest potential. trust me you will see how strong a women's touch can be. you're right about that because the females that are in my life help me out in so many ways. I can't even believe it.

We're here and this feeling feels so good. tomorrow we will have sixteen days left and then twenty-one. what're the signs you have thrown in this? the copyright certificate says the date that adds up to my little sister. the man upstairs knows what he's doing by putting me in y'all life trust me. I can't deny y'all because this is something that he has set up for me and I'm walking his guidelines. so I have to listen to what he says and act on what he showed me. I want you to be mine forever baby.

Gather as much information as I can. it's called problem-solving I think I'm good at that. like when you're in a relationship and the female wants out for her reasons. you let her go and find someone worth staying with. I'm not taking shots at anyone just food for thought. if a relationship is based on trust it will last forever feel me. if one does for the other and the other one does for you. you have laid down a strong foundation. children will grow up and understand for better or worse and what that means.

I remember taking all of those trips and I'm not saying this because it's the right thing to say. some people say they have bricks but where at? the same people never moved bricks or went out of town and had to hold down the fort. gambling with the life shit I could've got hit up out there. I lost some of my close friends to gun violence. so when people ask me how I feel. I feel like never opening up this company because money is the root of evil. I had people do shit to shit I had going on.

You should always support those who support you. I see things clearly when it comes to that. I'm not asking for support from anyone writing is something that I got attached to. thank you for the ones that I see holding me down. meaning caring for my feelings and not disrespecting what we have going on. this is for y'all I appreciate. all y'all these nights with y'all keeping me focus. I promise not to lead you astray. working until the work is done. I keep my hands in prayer because he gives and he can take it. I always said if you show me I will lead by example.

Surround yourself with people that want to see you win. you are bringing an up brings up so watch what you do carefully. I’m trying to show whoever’s in my life that this is the right place to raise children. the smart living will always beat out a bad living. you have the grow into something that your parents will be proud of. the only way I know be at the top and if you fall down get right back up and try again. people will talk about you when you are winning and when you are losing. so why care what people think about you?

What does it mean when you planning for your children's future? people will try to take from you. you have to choose your friends wisely before you act on things. follow your plan my body and mind is hollo. Leah means Hebrew this is the symbol that I have on my hand furthermore I’m not adding problems. so let’s agree on the way we have to live before our fighting turns bad. you have to support me just as well as I’m supposed to support you. life is hard but by the grace of God, we will overcome it.

                                                        CHAPTER 138

I want to be in your presence because you have shown me that you are a stand-up woman and you love me. I thank God your mother called me that day to be in your life because you stood here with me. the gratitude I have for you. the only regret I have is only having one life to be here educating our children oh know I’m eternal life. so I will be back with my family and I will have another chance at life. this is for the things we don’t cover now we will cover in our next life but before that, we will enter our next life as a lion.

I remember getting a phone call that you wanted to come home from Atlanta and you asked me to pay your way home I said okay and send the money. when you got home you walked past the park we dressed alike on numerous occasions. I asked the mother to ask you if you wanted to do my hair and she asked you and the mother came back and said you said I asked you that yesterday. just in case you do not understand where I’m coming from you will understand when my mind opens up to your mind. great minds think alike.

So I made it to 1090 and I have this dot on my hand move ten up. that makes it 11 hundred the connection to Grandma is August 13 which means I will be on the year she was born. I hope you are soaking all of this knowledge in. this is why I say numbers add up to you. you and I have to be at peace with one another because this is the only way this relationship will continue to be strong. I’m on it until I make it or go into writer's block I haven’t reached that yet. I’m waiting on it but for now, I will continue to drop these Jews.

The countdown is on for me and you to be one. meaning the connection we have for one another can’t be broken because we look at one another intending to love life together. you have to set some boundaries in your life. one hand should wash the other hand so everything can go smoothly with us. fighting for love should be mandatory in a relationship feel me. you should act on life in your way if you plan on doing it for your partner okay if you want y’all love to last forever right? so you have to be there for her right yes.

Everyone has their peak in life. you visualize being close as parents but the connection stays on 💯 before I let the game trap me. I have to show that I’m able to live life positively out here. I’m not bastion the other one. I hope you are staying here because you want to be here. I know that our children mean everything to you. I’m here to make your life a little easy. so you can be the best partner that you could be to our children. I never want you to get out of character this is like a mechanism on us.

Who can you call on when times get hard that’s right. you are supposed to feel comfortable calling me besides I said not in that context and you use it today for currency. why not have money in banks across the world when you're doing it big notorious? I don’t want to be well known I just want to make my money and keep it pushing. I don’t need people all up in my space I’m not here for the fame. you ought to know that people that are in the spot lite have to portray a certain image that they don’t live by.

So you have diverted my attention to this chain that you have on. that’s similar to the chain that Aaliyah had on in them back in one piece. I’m asking myself what’s the connection in this. let me think is she telling me that that’s who she is? if you put e in her name it spells what. you tell me a matter of fact let me explain l.a.h add an e bring it to Leah okay why because the connection is there feel me. the more I get deep into my thoughts it always turns out to be something connected to you never again.

I never seem to know if she was using me. I can bounce back because it’s in my nature. it seems like this female was only in it for the money. this is why black men have trouble wife y’all when he has money because it’s the same thing you see everywhere after she gets what she wants she leaves you and starts over but when times were hard it was up to me. what doesn’t kill me makes me stronger. I will take the blessings that were sent my way because I know she’s looking after me.

The causes you work so hard for your dreams to come true. you block everything out but what about what life has in it? I have to keep my head in this book because if I don’t take care of my company who will? God has given you this gift and you shouldn’t let anyone distract you from closing this. the way you work will show in the future believe me when my head hurts you can’t count on anyone but yourself to keep a level head out here. believe me, she was never with you from the beginning you take the bad with the good.

I’m just expressing the things that go on in my life. I know one day I am going to make some lucky women feel great about themselves because I have all of the intentions of doing my best in the relationship to come forthwith. I’m leaving it up to you lord protect me from people that only want from me. protect me from life living bad things may happen but I’m fearless. so I have to be a man for my women. she may not know who she is because I know it’s going to take time but trust me I have all of the time in the world.

                                                                 CHAPTER 139

Things sure are getting difficult because of what y’all want y’all get and I have to work to provide that. if you are thinking that I wish this never happened to be the man in your life think again. I’m not upset about that y’all work me to the tee and I’m happy but sometimes I feel like it’s too much. late nights and early mornings all through the daily work. even under my condition I still hold us down not letting that get the best of me. scared to drop a seed hoping I don’t curse my baby. it’s always good and good outshines the bad.

I never heard I’m proud of you because you work hard. is it all about the money with you? then I stop and think if I didn’t have this money will she still be here with me? then I think when I was dead broke and fucked up she still loved me. now that I got that out of the way I can continue to work. I will appreciate it if this wasn’t someone that you see fit because you need to take care of yourself out here if it stops tonight or tomorrow what would you do if it all just stops? you have to meet me halfway.

Seeing you today committed in a song that Hov said can I live? you take all of the pressure off of me because I know I still have y’all by my side. I will continue to write my heart out for the ones that have to remain in my life and for the ones that have kids by me that went to school today. I wonder how was their first day at school days like this not being able to be there hurts. I know you are doing an amazing job. so keep up the great work up. I’m trying to be all I can be for you and the children we have together.

Is love enough for us to go on cheating on one another since you've been gone I haven’t been with another women trust me I will not cross you. I will like to stay on status baby keep me comfortable. that day you walked out of my life we had a conversation about what we had to handle. I was all for it but was I ready to separate from you, no I wasn’t. I remember the connection when we cross paths. I knew you were inside of me forever. I promise never to let another women come between us unless she’s worth it.

I never know what she is thinking but I know building this company for me and who’s with me. I am glad I have found out about this now. you can’t let things get to you because you are a strong man and a woman looks for that. let’s see into the future when you get old and you can’t move around like you use to. this is when I’m going to show how hard I have been working. if God gives me 20 more years I can see myself changing the world or I have to be changed by the world.

You see what’s accomplished, don’t you? I’m still learning from things that I read and see. by the way me seeing things for what they are. this is why I just look with this puzzle on my face because I’m observant of everything that is going on in my life and the people that should be here with me. the thought of you leading me on and no money isn’t the problem but I work hard for what I have. so using me for what if not I apologize for insinuating that you are. take a look at all that was given to you.

When days go by slowly it’s like everyone is in a rush to get somewhere. I’m working to improve my situation before I leave here. I need to make sure my kids or should I say children have something to look forward to. 80 billion in 10 months ain’t bad at all. I don’t want people wanting to be down on me because I can make them money. it has to be chemistry with one another before I do any business with you. I started from the bottom just like everyone else. I was missing for a couple of years but bounced back.

If I can dance with my daughters. when I was young I had y’all at a young age. I had to work and stop going to school to take care of y’all. I know I missed out on the beautiful things that went on in y’all life. I’m sorry to my children but I want y’all to know I love y’all. I’m trying to be this man that y’all can look up to. I hated being away from y’all. if y’all were wondering. I know I have to learn what are some of the things that y’all love. I’m willing to do and trust me the love I have for y’all mothers.

When I look at my children I have this feeling like y’all can do nothing wrong. it’s hard to walk away from y’all. I want everything positive for y’all so I have to work my mind off. y’all mean the world to me. I can’t wait to hold y’all in my arms. let’s block out all of the negativity because we do not need it. I want y’all to know whenever y’all want to enter my life trust me y’all can. I’m just waiting patiently and trust me I see all of the wonderful things y’all mothers are doing with y’all. I died once on the cross and now it’s about status.

Dear children what can I do to make your life better I want to give y’all the world. the way I see and hear and write. I know that my children are in great hands. the mothers of these wonderful kids being strong at a time when I was not in my right state of mind. it was because I was missing y’all and I said to myself that if I make it out of this situation. I will never put the mother of my children through anything like this ever again. children it was with all good intentions trust me. God wanted me to get my wings.

                                                          CHAPTER 140

I remember when you were at my house. your mother left you with me and I watched you for the whole day. I was only a young boy but I knew that this felt so right in my heart. I kissed you and you just looked at me with this smile on your face. I felt so warm inside of my soul. I knew right there I wanted this little girl in my life. I remember when your mother came to my house she was with one of her sisters and had a little girl walking beside her and another child in the stroller and I still thank God for my children.

I remember my uncle giving me money to go to the machine to buy a ring. then I went to your house and gave you the ring and you said thank you. I remember holding court inside of your house over our children. you said in your final statement you love me and you want me to take care of my daughters and in my final statement. I said I will because your father was a judge. both of them are in car seats and you came to see me and I gave you the last of what I had cumsi.

The way life is going God please remove people that don’t deserve to be in my life. I know it may take time but I have faith that you will do so because I am your child. just by knowing that you trusted me. I had nine lives and the last one meant. I had to prove that I’m worthy of being you. I did exactly what you asked of me. I see that you are still working on me. and trust me I’m here until you finish working on me. you show me things that I need to see for the strength that you have given me. I’m just waiting for your touch and believe me when I say I felt it.

As days go by and I’m still working to get into my children's life. I know y’all see my ups and downs as I write them in my stories. I’m writing them so you can see inside my life when you weren’t there. I don’t disagree with what y’all mothers did but it hurts. trying to write my wrongs into rights by the grace of God. would you believe him giving me this task? I stood up like a man and took all of the pain just like when he was on the cross. all of the bloodshed I let loose out of my body. so y’all can have a better life.

People I’m married to the game imagine having kids with it that you can teach how to play this game. I mean hustling the right way I want my children to run this company one day because I’m getting old. y’all will be able to make decisions on the way our company will go and in what direction. if I can make him all of those billion just think about what I am going to do for y’all. trust me it will be endless. building this company knowing that my children are looking at what I have created.

It’s hard remember to find someone that you can trust when you are dealing with this type of thing meaning company business. you will comfort the one that loves you but love doesn’t define the way people treat you. I’m glad that I saw the truth before it was too late. I know you are never going to say anything about her. I know this woman meaning the one that’s inside of me. I know she did everything in her power to keep me safe. I know how hard it was for her to give up her life to help me out and look faithful.

I haven’t had any sexual contact with anyone since you have been on this earth even when you were a seed like the one I have in my hand. on the other hand what if all of this that I have done was for nothing? yes, she said she loved me wanting me to write this off of this song. I gave her exactly what she asked for but what about helping me out with what I need? am I putting 100 percent and if so how much are y’all putting in? I want to see the outcome of what you will do for me. I’m not asking for much only for trust.

I want to say it but I don’t know how to say it. I’ll say this it’s your day so enjoy it to the max. as for me I’m good I can’t understand everything that’s going on it’s like my mind has different feelings about two things and I’m not going to say it. the blessings that came my way y’all need to see this out and accept who may be you. if not I need to know so I can exchange her for someone else. cause I’m ready to lock up with her so I can know that her body’s inside of women.

I’m not supposed to get mad if she plays games in this relationship. this is her calling on all types of nights. what do you want out of my life? putting up with you no more I need to move on. this girl has her bad ways this situation gets on my nerves. you played me but I can get back on my bull shit. you make up things that you do just to get me mad and upset. you need to go your way and I need to go my way. I can’t take this anymore because I’m jealous of what could be and this is just the way I feel.

Holding on to her makes all of the difference in the world. I have to say things have looked up in my life. I know he needed you to be by his side. but the thought of him taking you from me to be with him, or is it for you to exchange your soul for the female of my choice? who will it be if I slash women. she will have all of your power and that lucky lady will be you for eternity. I always seem to catch myself wishing you were here but I have to accept it for now and know that he is working on bringing me, someone.

                                                            CHAPTER 141

M16 you should want to fall back from 12 because they don’t give a fuck about us. how in the hell you are going to patrol our streets when you know nothing about us? this shit gets me upset because we need to come together and fight back but some don’t know how to. I put this on Damu it’s hell in these streets because jake needs to be stopped before guns don’t kill people. people kill people. and people think it’s about partying all the time what about giving these young children some game before this killing one another gets out of hand? who’s your big homie he’s not a big homie if he doesn’t educate you on how the streets are.

If having three children by the same mother and father makes us strong so be it. I wonder if this is just in my mind. she said she want to do something for me and I said to remain faithful to me, that’s all I need when it’s dark you bring out the light in me. you have this glow like no other female I know. should I give up and take my talent to the south I have so many memories out there and the reason a lot of people claim blood is because of me. I was the plug from the east to the south. you can get me out of my comfort zone.

This ain’t living nigga  when will we understand that we have to guide ourselves in a better direction? what you want to become famous and these young adolescents are struggling to become men. we have a powerful speaker that leads us in the direction that we need to go in. the young ladies you need to close your legs because you can’t be giving it up to anyone that has money. I lose this battle, or am I overcoming the temptation? I have to keep my head strong out here because everyone uses one another to build their own as I’ve done.

I’m trying to turn my bad money into good money but it’s hard. the only way I’m able to do this is by my women looking after me. you show me a lot of things that make my mind look in the right direction before I get locked up and be facing 30 years of money. looking over my shoulder from the feds because they can be on to me. remember this is just rap and I’m not doing drug dealing. yes, I have advice for the people that are in that game. pay attention to your surroundings because if you don’t watch your back you can end up dead or in jail.

You say I’m buffing but let’s tell the truth when you had me next to you and you walked in the park and I came in the park after you. I said hi Trish and you said hi sin. I know what that meant you wanted to talk to me later on. the conversation went something like this do you want me in your life you said not now. what am I supposed to think about this distance relationship how am I going to live my life without you? I got the heart to tell you when you are wrong this is what she said to me and I said you should always stand up for what you want.

You have to make sure you make positive moves if you want me in your life. so watch what you do until we come to a connection. you can’t move right if you stay to the left. this is how it goes let’s stay family. everyone should understand that the way you act is the way you will be perceived. please don’t let your emotions feel differently if she upset you. I’m not one to take the pain of caring for you if you underestimate the way you think you will be in last place. it takes a nation of millions if you want to lead us down the right path.

Sorting out the problems you have will have a great impact on your life. you follow the ones that have goals for themselves and learn the business before the industry takes from you. I’m glad I own my rights and my publishing and catalog. this way everything I own will go to my family and I want my family to know that I’m working to better our life okay. yes, I miss y’all all trust and believe I’m coming home, and if she wants to move down south to be closer to her child. let me find out if y’all two have a connection together.

Calm and collected never fold when the pressure is on because that will determine how strong-minded you are. yes, I’m pushing to write my wrong. so my family can have an outlook on the inside of my mind. I know I have shown you actions and y’all will understand where I’m coming from. the good die young how can we change that? we have to put down the guns and use our intelligence and perform at an all-time high. follow the person that has something going for himself. read and educate yourself about streets and business smart.

I don’t want to be in concert with anyone out here. this is why I stay in my lane. people have to understand the world is full of dishonest people. so I have to protect what I am doing before I toss your girl it will cost you more if I have to keep my eyes open until everyone is out of this room. I don’t have to walk by myself but for you. I will, if she can’t see what she has in front of her I will move on. this is for all of the females that left me. I hope you are doing well as for me nothing has changed. I’m still handling my business to the best of my ability.

You should control everything you do, so you can know to do better if something seems wrong, the way life is going for black men. listening to people that have nothing to gain out of life how can I listen to someone that’s in the same predicament I am? what I need to do is be on my toes and live for my family. as long as I got they got this is the way it’s supposed to be in life or death. leaving my children this company will help them live the right kind of life when you know right from wrong you see things differently.

                                                             CHAPTER 142

I remember when I texted you and asked you did you want to go to a concert with me and you said you do not like to be around a crowd of people. this has two meanings and is spelled the same sign I throw at you. you ought to throw back at me and you did. when you said it’s cold outside I remember everything that we talked about. I’m just letting you know I was paying attention to what you had to say. I’m not annoying you I get knowledge from you whether you believe it or not please continue to study.

This is a big world but different nationalities and it seems like no I know we are in the last place. we can change that if we come together and pull our resources. we can come to an economic change but we fight amongst one another. female wants to be outside in clubs partying but what about when you reach an age and you look up and have no one with you? I don’t want anything to do with females that are like that because I have to teach my daughters they are women and a man should respect them not showing half ass in a flick.

If shit is getting hot don’t mind me. I’m just here to protect my sisters and that’s for the two that were born inside of me Gershom and Eliezer. y’all both have to stand up and walk like I’m walking because anything less is uncivilized. living in this life we did everything y’all helped me handle my business and both of y’all is giving me the confidence to move forward in life. the way the game is going we need God and Jesus everybody is out here for ourselves but not me. my friends and family mean everything to me.

I remember when you were walking up the block and went to the corner and walk right back down the block. you stopped you know that’s okay and one day you were walking across the streets. I know you knew what I was saying about you. thank God you are prepared for the world now and you never crossed me. you are your person but if we were born together and you separated from me in this life. you have to respect my wishes because I’m the oldest and I know more than you know so you should soak up this game.

Soon you'll understand and now is the time that you understand what I’m doing. Layla is sitting here watching what the both of us are doing. so Aaliyah has to woman up and be a mother to her children. if this is what you want you need someone that has a Ph.D. and I got that as you know I was working from the time you first saw me. this shit is difficult because me not fully understand what’s right from wrong. you are telling me that we will be together baby. this heart will not tolerate the problem that you may cause me.

Mama’s just a little girl. you have to take this seriously because men as I grow up and take responsibility for you and the children that you have conceived but I know in your heart being a mother to your children is a blessing to you. by the way, girls you have to be more in tune with their life because it’s hard for women. that’s why I want to raise queens because that will attract a man that has something going for himself because we raise them like that. you should look deep into a man's soul and be with him for a long time before you move that steady into moments.

Calling a female out by her name that’s something that I will never do. it doesn’t matter how fuckup shit can get I will never. I have a mother and sisters and daughter. the word hitch came from a female dog the only dogs I know are men and women doing only gangster shit. that is what I live by because it is in our history in blood codes, this sex money murder crew that I have the second command in if you don’t believe me just think about it rollack, and name me Simlack one of my friends gave me that name but I always knew that’s what he called me, am I, My brother keeper, yes I am.

I know you talk like you are tongue tie. I’m not saying that it is a symptom but you know about my condition and you are still sitting here in my life thank you for every blessing you gave me. I truly appreciate it because if it wasn’t for you I’ll probably be in the streets. knowing I have a home to come home to is a blessing trust me. I remember ringing the bell and thinking what can she be thinking about? when I got upstairs I asked you do you mind doing my hair once a week and you said no problem.

Hiding from the truth is a reality for some people. the purpose you have on this earth shows people that you can do whatever they thought that you couldn’t do. look them right in their eyes and make them regret playing you. girls moved on and I’m not mad at it. I just have to secure the bag. if someone can’t secure the bag with me move on. in this life, I need a comfortable space out here because if things get a qualm in my mind. so you ought to show me that y’all are my ride or dies because people may miss using the word faithful when you are faithful that means you are dedicated.

I use to use a 38snub nose and shoot it off now and then to make sure. I don’t get hit up when I was out of town what do you know about putting on a girdle to transport more than 100thousand no homo. that’s the type of shit we were moving. people talk about it but never moved that much. you talk about keys yeah right where at. I’m still in the streets moving work. I know all of the biggest drug cartel connections. you're right up on him you need to stick to raps. imagine me being scared of a person that bleeds as I bleed.

                                                         CHAPTER 143

I’m not trying to figure out why she named her after Aaliyah. this makes more sense to me in having an understanding of her being my Leah. I’m not uncomfortable with the way you show that you care. if you show me more I will be grateful believe me. putting this down on paper that I love the ladies that are in my life. I respect the ones that didn’t show the other side because her friends carry themself in that kind of way. you ought to be growing up in life. the respect is there now that I understand that you understand that you are here.

Seeing this young lady when I see children that look like me. I know by how they look at me tells me that they’re my children. I want you to have everything that God made for you. I’m working to provide for you. I know you look at your mother and tell her that she made the right decision. I think I made the right decision because you listen to me and make life goes easy. you not in the streets because I for sake that. you look at me after you did what you did.

I just saw my daughter jumping up and down in front of the building. I was about to walk down the block I didn’t want to interrupt or intrude on what you and she had going on. next time you are not getting a pass. I’m glad she’s happy that means you are doing a great job being a mother to her. the thought of losing you I remember when I came to the house in the winter. you asked me if it was cold outside I know that meant you have a crush on me. your wordplay impacts my mind with thoughts that I can replay in my stories.

My heart goes out to the people who moved on from me. the reason I’m able to go on is because of my children without them I don’t know what I would be doing. every heartbeat from them gives me the energy to move forward in life. I take pictures so you can see me and I know you want to see me. y’all are my little princesses and I can’t imagine my life without y’all. God has blessed me with this family and I’m grateful for my children loving me too the mothers of my children thank you.

I remember staying at wake and mystic's house and Clicquot didn’t want to go to school. she took the thermometer to a lighter so her temperature would be sky-high. I told her amateur you have to put it under a lightbulb so it can have a temperature that wake would believe when she gave her it wake said we can stay home thanks to me. I remember me having like 50 beats that I was going threw and Clicquot walked past my house and heard the music and then came in my house listening to the beats she helped me pick the right beat squad up.

My shooting star started like this how can I please you. she said to get to know me before you judge me and I said okay that’s what I should’ve done. I wasn’t thinking I just wanted to get to know you. know I’m not worried about what a female is doing because my children's mother comes first does this make sense to you? I’m so glad you have decided to be in my life. let me show you why you decided to be in my life. I’m not saying everything is perfect but we’re working on it understand?

Showing is believing so do whatever she says, so you can move forward in her life. and treat her with respect so you can keep her in your life. this is a learning experience for both of us. you never know what I’m thinking that’s not so because I let my mind write whatever’s on my mind. please tell me what more I can do for you. this thing grownup body connection to you. so make sure you keep me in your blessings. it can change by feelings so we are supposed to take care of one another until we leave here on earth and even then eternal life.

This isn’t it we have to keep our minds moving. so I can continue to learn as I teach you what love is. you want the best that I can give you. so you have to pay attention to what I’m teaching. this is the only way you are going to get it. I have to keep telling your mind this is the way it’s supposed to be. let’s take our time before someone gets hurt. I’m free to do it for you so bear with me. every time you make me wait I just want more to get next to you. I’m planning this life for us okay?

Just got that phone call from my mother and it was a great conversation because now shorty telling her to tell me that she’s trying to get a big house in Atlanta for the whole family. this is why Aaliyah walks with you because you are thinking about progression and I’m thankful that I can be of some assistance to you. I want your dreams to go wonderful and I said how are y’all going to leave me? she said I can visit whenever I want to and I will be sure to visit, building that’s all I want from you. think about your children am I?

I ain’t got it so you can’t get it. I see you are in the bullpen right I've been doing this faithful heart for 19 years. thank you for connecting the dots. this is why our relationship will last we talk to one another on occasion. we have to stay loyal to one another. dishonest people don’t last in a good relationship don’t cheat yourself out of a good relationship. we should always stay Ten steps ahead. you know that phone call was to warn me about what you were about to post. you wearing a bulls jersey body unity love lust soul.

                                                               CHAPTER 144

So this bird brain thinks I’m playing with her right? I will throw your ass in a garbage bag if you cheat. you think I won’t leave your ass right in front of these children. these hitches stay playing your mother called me to tell me you were busy and you went out in Atlanta. you can’t turn a hoe into a housewife. let’s see when was the last time you did anything for me? you can’t even buy me a birthday card. next time I’m going to punch you right in your face. let’s see one picture outer line.

I wonder if she understands why I’m telling her this. you have to have your mind because if I didn’t care I’ll be asking you to give it up right away. I’m not because I want an everlasting relationship with you. I know you want more for yourself I’m right here to help you out. you are the only one I think about because Layla wants you to be the first because her mother is in you or not. I’m seeing things that can get me in the mood to do something right now. I have been feeling this way for a long time now.

So I have been patiently waiting when grandma was 70 years old I was born and when she was 80 years old you were born. this is the math to what X said about 150 in hows it’s going down. you have a lot of connections to my life and I know why. Layla, does this answer this question that you have about this track? I know she is not trying to trap me because I wanted this just as much as she wants it. when I go up in heaven you better be right next to me or else this shit won’t work for you have to exchange in time and out time with Aaliyah.

Brother, do you remember what we talked about when I was down south, you said you were going to come to visit me. I want to know if it still stands while I’m back in New York City. yeah, I need that if anything goes down. yes, I miss my sister like crazy I remember y’all getting paid for summer letting me and my sister and play all of the games. Does one shot one kill what's the deal? better them than me I’m watching everything I’m awake and that’s dangerous to have a black man woke. things can get out of hand and I know you got down the hill and you are from up the hill Barry.

If everyone is the boss where are the workers a company needs that. so don’t listen to what people say about that. use your mind to become a businessman. the more power you have the more people want to get rid of you but I’m not going out like that because this dot is ready to go off. the rain may fall who controls me that’s who. I can never work with the enemy but she’s siding with them right? that can’t be something that the left eye would do exchanging looks like it’s 50/50 love.

You can get me out of my game because I’m dedicated to you. this means we need to be in one another arms. I've been holding you for a long time. she said she wants to see me get what’s coming to me. what am I supposed to do when I see a man in front of you? you are supposed to look up to that man because I can teach you so much. you should be able to learn so much from me if you pay attention to what I have to teach you. I put you first because that’s what a man does for his family.

You must not understand how hard it is without you here next to me. sometimes I want to give up on a relationship with someone. I can’t replace you because you were one of a kind and nobody can walk with me as you did. the last song you did a video for I’m on it. people make fun of me but I know it’s for you. lately, you have focused on me because I write to you and play the song that I wrote about. what are you doing are you telling me you want a relationship with me or not? from 15 years old and now I’m 36 and live in 49 states I have been faithful for 1hour in the last state.

So she called saying she was going to send me a picture. I think she was just pulling my leg because she said she was at a birthday party in Atlanta after I said both of y’all birthdays. she always lets me know what I am writing. After all, she wants me to know that she is following me. Guess what I haven’t got the picture. she said she looks like Smokey Robinson and she has gray eyes. I’m thinking what connection is that then I think I know what. you always make sense of what you are doing. so don’t let anyone sidetrack you.

She shows her true feelings when I ask of her. and her dedication to me is unreal because I know I mean the world to her. this is exactly what Aaliyah would’ve done. I do not question your intention when it comes to me. I learn from you just as well as you are learning from me. this is something that both of us have to pay attention to. you are my tears when I cry and when my eyes are dry and I can see straight. you gave me the strength to continue to write because you are putting my thoughts in the right direction.

I just want to ensure you that I’m the man that you are looking for. I want to build with you. you are right when I’m wrong. you are my yes when it’s no. me being here with you has opened so many doors you wouldn’t believe it. I owe you so much I put a lot of time into making you a woman and I can’t imagine you giving what I have built-in you to someone else. so what am I supposed to do if you walk out of my life? the pain and happiness happen once in a lifetime when you find that one special person you make her happy for the rest of her life.

                                                               CHAPTER 145

I remember at times being in one another's life. we use to know what was on the other person's mind. I remember sitting on the bus going home from work. you asked for a connection asking for me to give you a Happy Easter. why wouldn’t I when Jesus' day is on that day and you stuck with me? I texted you and asked you if it was anything you needed for that day and you said a pair of Jordans. I said okay and said call me when you get up in the morning and you called at 8clock. then I made my way around here.

You should never let women get down on one knee and propose to you. how could I have stopped her some day on January the 8th to be exact? I returned the favor in May the day was the 16th. I don’t know if she was telling me just to keep me around because I was doing it for her and she didn’t want me to leave just yet. the license to what I’m talking about is in the library of congress. you told me never to be scared to ask for what I want. the best thing that could ever happen to me is you. you helped me through hard times.

When I say something you always say I’m saying it to hurt you but I just want what’s best for you. when my children help me so much I need y’all in my life. as a black man times can get hard, and sometimes I can get upset with what’s going on but I promise I will never put my hands on you or raise my voice to you. the only thing that was right about what Aaliyah did she did this for our family. I’m beside you every step of the way until we enter heaven parting the Red Sea. so no contact with any women would be inside your body.

Listening to a house is not a home without two people. so she leaves her life jumping from man to man if it’s a male he wouldn’t know how to treat her. I’m holding on, for the time being. she needs to show me a sign that she loves me. I just want her love laying next to me. I don’t want to change partners if I can prevent that from happening but I want you to grow with me because this home is full of grace and praising God. the man up above wants to see us together trust me. he wouldn’t put all of this energy into making this work.

So if I was a smooth criminal would you want me? someone that goes around stealing girls' virginity because it’s been so long for me. the family is you okay I’m thinking about being scared of taking a plane. being in the game so long I’m getting tired of all of this drug trafficking going back and forth. the game doesn’t get old make the money don’t let the money make you because the same people you see going up are the same people you see when you're coming down. so be mindful about what you do to people because it can come back to you.

What I meant to say is when I was giving someone special she caught me by surprise when she said what am I doing I said I’m giving you $165 no it’s not all about money. just follow the post because when something happened to her I gave $200. so if you add that up it means 365 days in a year. I hope this is what you were telling me. you had a mirror where you were staying and after you did my hair I would look in that big mirror and think about usher confessions and think about when he broke that mirror.

Thinking back to when we had our second discussion about where our life was going and in what direction. I’m on the corner I gave mother something for you she said. you were going home to do some cleaning and I got a text from you as I’m looking down my memory flashed right before my eyes. cause Aaliyah said no more and X look down I know what that meant. I promise I’m never letting anyone else take something that’s yours. you said don’t give her anything for me anymore meaning the opposite right?

So as I sit here and observe what I just posted does this mean what I think it means? it looks like I differently found Aaliyah and my uncle and it looks like I need to find a new left eye. After all, she doesn’t exist to me because she and her friends moved on. I’m kinder glad that I found out now. just by having the two of y’all in my life please let’s stay on the status. everything I own y’all own Layla I know you are happy right now and trust me I’m also happy just to find out that this is true. people say the truth will set you free.

If half is cut that means the females that Aaliyah took with her to heaven. the dot is buzzing on and off. your name is the same as hers. I’m not telling you this to compare you to her. it’s just to justify what this means to me if you have children by me and you match you know what. the dot is automatically on you because Aaliyah has the power. After all, she is the closest person to God and Jesus. eternal life means the monument will be replaced and the next round will take over.

Yes, I want to give you the world but all good things come in time. so if you can’t wait move on before you hurt me. I see things that the average man doesn’t understand. I promise it’s going to come when it’s supposed to trust me. the way I’m going with this life that we settled down for. we cannot force the love we have so let’s take our time. I’m telling you this because time is everything to me. we need to find out if this is going to last or if this is going to be a one-night stand with me and you.

                                                         CHAPTER 146

When you want someone so bad but you can’t reach her. it’s like nothing I do is ever good for you. if you are working on a plan and I’m working on a plan. putting both plans into play we can gain the world trust me. you have to let things flow into play because if you rush life God can’t make mistakes but take our time. I know he will bless me with a wonderful woman. I know having intelligence and being educated and having knowledge is the best feeling in the world. I do not talk much because I’m not loud.

I’m right here when you need me. if you want to do business with me let’s keep it professional, or do you want more from us? you can’t have a relationship with someone and then it won't work and then come to me wanting more from me cause that’s not going to happen. I’m not thinking about her I have moved on. if I never see you again it won’t bother me. I know I saw this wonderful woman today that wants in my life. you can do what you want from here on. it ain’t like you were listening to me anyway I’m happy.

When this blood shit started I had been blood since Bobby Johnson. I had people under me when that shit came out. yeah, people know who they are but we will save that for another day. it ain’t about these 036. it’s about respect as I get older I’m watching y’all. the game leaves people watching the streets. I can’t slip feel me because that might give people that want to see me hit up happy. what happened to slow yeah shut down if you knew why I don’t fuck with people but I can’t blame y’all ninjas ain’t about no gangster shit.

If the feds run in and start picking people up. I just want you to hold down the household feel me. you don’t want to see what sporty got in his clip. if ninjas rat I can’t understand people respect that why. someone said where did he tell it was right there in front of the world? you said I told on who you know that ninja told the whole internet saw that but he real I can see the game getting water down. you think I forgot about what you said. it ain’t about money how many people from the hill died.

The Apple that Aaliyah took a bite out of was bad for a reason, right? this is why I had to get my wings because the bad apple that you bit wasn’t good for you, this is why my moving on means nothing to me as long as you are here for me. I think she understands that you can take her place because this is the last of a dying breed. this is for whoever it may concern. y’all might set me up so this is why I can never say anything to y’all and I’m good with that. if it goes down I’m going to be with my family.

We have surpassed $ 1 trillion. she knows who she is that I’m waiting on. I want you to be the first one in over 18 years. what do you say please tell me that you are saying yes. I remember when I was bringing you something for what we know. buck fifty say it all I just want you to love me. I’m not looking for anyone but you. if I get down on one knee we will be husband and wife. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. you are the beneficiary of everything I own and I must say I wouldn’t want to leave it to anyone else.

So I’m dangerously in love with you. I can’t see you but I’m waiting until the day I see you next to me. let’s see how strong Jesus is, being God's Body I’m protected by the forces of the higher power. please continue to bless me I love the way this hold you have over me. until we meet again or are you here on earth in another body or do I have to enter someone into this soul of mine? so you can walk on this earth again or are you here trying to figure this out hurt my soul because it’s a simple yes or no and yes I’m giving you an ultimatum.

I want to give you the world the sky the sun the earth in itself. I thought when you went to heaven my life wouldn’t be the same but seeing this young lady changed that. when you grow out of things that you did when you were young, you ought to change for the better because that shows a sign of growth. the only ones that think growing up is wack are people that have a young kid mentality. so, people, we need to grow up as people and handle our business so we can raise our children into men and women.

If females are running with ops do you trust them he’ll no. she might be trying to set you up and I've seen people get set up from hitches like that. you are never to say anything to any of them okay? this will determine your life living or dying. the first move letting her use what and get money off of it. when her man was one of many that I had beef with. this is why you can’t leave her anything because if something happens to me. she might let them get some of my paper feel me and me and Aaliyah can’t have that.

Just to make sure you don’t make any mistakes think about people as if Aaliyah would’ve crossed you but I know that’s never because she uses status. when I spoke to mother she said sixty and I get what that means okay? you see me and I see you by far this is only the beginning of our journey. I will make sure you understand how much I love you. my mind thinks about you every day even at the night. laying here writing to you so you can understand what I’m thinking. I want you to know and follow me so we have positive vibes, she sent her.

People not understanding where I’m coming from. I’m not chasing a female that runs and is with other men. this life that Aaliyah left for me. I promise to take care of her inside of my life. this amazing woman put up her life to help me out. if half is cut like I said what’s the sense? I want you to walk away from me. I see you doing your thing right. what does that mean when you do the opposite? you don’t see your friends with their man taking shit like that. one way or another you will exit what I have built.

Control of my thoughts means I’m less of a man because I want to express whatever’s on my mind. I know that you appreciate what I have done for you. I think this is more about us as one. I want to tell you through the ups and downs you stood by my side feel me. how can I repay you because you are my wife and I can’t see anyone else by my side but you. the fight that we put on for people that don’t know the ins and outs of this relationship. being strong I get that from you.

What should I do about you holding my hand at a time when I had nothing? this is all I talk about because you stay on my mind. if we are from the ocean. we love water I remember your sister telling me that Anna and you are scared of clowns and then I told her I almost died in water but if I’m a fish how is that possible? anything is possible then she told me that shouldn’t stop me from getting in the pool again. I told her I’m a great swimmer one day I will prove it trust me.

So you are on the phone and I started shaking right. you also used the word clown for what to let me know okay? you were talking about how people who rap end other people's careers. you also hit me with that stay scheming right? throwing signs at me for whatever reason. you had your agenda so, of course, I’m following your lead because if Aaliyah is inside of you. she is my queen this is all I need in my life. I remember the first time I saw your face on September 9th.

If Allen Iverson's wife's name is the same as yours. in the Ten Commandments, someone took the girl that he had and he was the number seven, and the opposite was number two. this is why you are here for me because that match up right. the thought of losing you I can’t swallow my pride. if I have to come down there I hope everything’s okay with you. I remember every conversation that we had. I remember a conversation where you asked do I work and I told you in a hospital and you ask me which one and I spelled Presbyterian as a doctor.

I remember the first day Aaliyah let me come to her house, remember you just said don’t hold anything back. so here we go I’m sitting on the chill-out stoop and you called threw mother and she ask was I on the block I said yeah. she said you said can I come and buy you something to eat and I said I’m on my way to your house. I ring the bell you let me in when I got upstairs I told you the story, you ordered something to eat and I gave you the money when I was about to leave a said to keep the change mother said More I said give me a chance.

You can see how far God let you. just don’t go blind looking for God to bless someone that he knows has been bad. you pick your fights on who you want to love because you have to go with what’s in your heart. my heart beats for you and I’m whole because of you. I can see you me and you growing in life, others don’t see the pain that we went through but I’m a man now, and trust me. I’m not changing for no one understands me. if I love you I love you that’s it, I can’t plan this life without you. so let’s four see things that mean something to us.