BOOK 18

Are you still down? if I can get next to one who wants to be in my life. when the summer comes females dress so sexy excuse me Layla because it's getting out of hand because I'm thinking this is just a man's mind. I'm only looking for one that can help me rekindle my love life. going threw another summer looking for one female but then I'm looking for Aaliyah so me waiting until life itself ends. the more I see the more it makes me want to do. these eyes are just seeking for someone who can help me get out of the relationship I'm in.

If you want someone else to handle your business make sure you don't give up your goods just to get things done. this is why a lot of girls are lost trust me I know. you think you are going to change the way these men think. this is only going out to my family because I want more for them. you have to hold your head up and make moves as a businesswoman. you can't go on with selling your soul I mean body to whoever. you can't cry after you get in that game because that's what that game is called for.

People say don't let your emotions get the best of you but sometimes I do think about starting over a new life. you would think that they would support you and would be there for you but it's not. I think I'm at the edge of this life that we have. I know Aaliyah has my back and she wants to see me win. she told me never let anyone come between us and yes I'm willing to wait until the end of my life. when you love someone that much you will wait because it's in your blood to be faithful to her because she can't and never had sex with anyone.

This goes out to Jay Z. You said how long am I going to be in the studio and your palms are bloody. that's poems I have been in this music business with you since I was about 14 years old. If you think I'm going to change my mind about dropping an album I think not. I need about 10 million dollars just to sign with Roc Nation and tell Bleek Shorty got his Niece. She looks just like him but in the music that we have you said I was supposed to rap the next verse L'Status.

L'S was the one running around New York City with my ninjas getting down to business but before I hit the streets. I used to shed a lot of blood like going into murder. breaking my right arm and a relief burn me in the eye. what about falling down the stairs and busting my right eye open what about jumping in the snow and slabbing my leg with a glass? I remember Phaze 2 blowing an M80 in his hand on 4 July. I remember blowing up the car and my uncle riding the dirt bike at the same time I saw mumbles.

Once again the chicken type slow. she better get her shit together because you taking trips out of town. talking about me dropping an album better yet you dropping an album. you better MF respect me because you know you are a disposable camera got that shorty. fly high like the bird you are it matches perfectly feel me. this is a rule you live by being a plucker duck you walk like one and quack like one. you always trying to shit on me but if it is mine it would be good luck. you better do something like do a show and not on the beach.

What's the problem looking at the gun I don't carry that shit on me anymore. had to get to the business because if you handle business strong arm 12 will be on you. so you have to move on the low. when the roc broke up I was sitting back like it's about to go down. that means I have to get in the room and stay in the lab feel me. yeah, he put it on my back so I came through for my company. what you didn't see but you know it was because of me let's not get it twisted. I had to have a clear mind to work.

Being mindful of every one that depends on you. so they don't have to worry and that way you can keep them safe. what you thought I was going to disrespect you I don't think so. remember me saying what's on my mind. so you can have some degrees about that fire that I spit. yes, I'm waiting until she shows herself that she is one of a kind. before we fight we have to talk about where are we. this comes from having some kind of knowledge about the game that we play. so if you feel like it's something trust me it isn't as long as you respect me.

The hustle doesn't stop only people forget how to get money and I mean real money. you have to plan this out and do whatever to make this shit a reality. there are a lot of people hustling backward, people may ask how you feel about that and I tell them who cares. when you want the family that you ran with to make money. A lot of people want all of the money cars, houses, and jewels but not me. I want people to understand my writing will be here forever. this is something that y'all can't relate to me.

So when you are ready to talk come to the old apartment. you mean the apartment where you grab the baby nine from the closet and aim for the temple but it wasn't any bullets in it yeah. the apartment that you had all of the girls in yeah. the apartment that you used to hustle out of yeah. the apartment where you and your family reside yeah. I'm not talking about when you move because you didn't want to mess with them girls except one. I hope she's still here because the baby that she had was a boy.

Placing yourself in other people's life isn't always going to work. you have to work at your dream. if people want to lock their minds and brainstorm ideas by all means you do that. you have to prepare yourself to be a fighter and stick with what God has given you and that's your calling in life. move when you want to move please do not let anyone push you because great things come in time. stick to your plan feel me. only you know where you want to be in your life and yeah I mean your life.

Pleasing an individual can be so hard. if you act ladylike you can have the world given to you at the drop of a dime. my blood boils when you cross my path. look at what we have created bringing life to our children. it's absurd that we think the same. people say great minds think alike. when you count the time I have been away from my family. it's been too long I'm trying to get back in your life like right now. I remember you walking up the block and by the time you got to your building. I walked up on you and we started fighting then you went upstairs.

You make things up about me. if you go out all I'm saying is don't be around other men. you can crush my heart Aaliyah is the one that I miss the most but from this day forward I'm not looking back. I remember you with our children one in the stroller and our other child was walking and you were with your sister. do you remember what I told you if not I remember I said I would take care of y'all didn't I keep my word? the only thing I have in this world is my word and my balls and I'm not lying for shit. 

If I'm headed nowhere fast let it be. going down this road has taken a toll on me. when you try to play by the rules it can get difficult. being sidetracked means you stepping out of your comfort zone and I was never one to step out of my comfort zone. when people put pressure on you, you get back by upping your game. being a leader because my family looks up to me. so I have to do whatever it is to make them proud that way they don't look up to anyone else. sometimes it gets hard you have to just simmer down.

When the song Cry was written he said it happened in branches and I understood what he was saying did you. when I was down south I was around the rally, New Hill, toppling City, Brownsville, and Grasselli Heights out there trying to sort out my problems. the biggest challenge was getting back home to my family. leaving there was going to hurt because that's where Layla lives and she's my world. I will continue to talk to her through my writings and I want her to know that I miss her. seeing you was the beginning of my new beginning.

Taking this quote the best of you ninjas reminds me of myself when I was younger. feeling all types of love from people that want to see me win and that come from being solid with people that are around you. planning helps your future look promising. One thing that you can't do is listen to other people who say why or you can't do that. when you participate with others and know yourself. people say run but when I was out of town ninjas never saw that much money taking trips in and out of state.

Why is it I'm going in the wrong direction with you or are you looking for me to be there with you? I have given you everything that you want from me. you can't be asking for more because I'm out of gifts. you need to be giving me gifts because you need to exchange the favor. I never wanted us to be in this situation trust me but my heart is big enough to move on if need be. problems always seem to find me but I'm not running. I'm dealing with them head-on. this is the only way I'm going to be able to face my fears.

When you know someone you act like things are meant to be but it can go backwards. you never know how she feels about other men. so you start going out to clubs and then hanging around other girls. if it's not that then say hello for all I know you might know someone who knows someone. who am I to take that from you but don't think it can't go both ways. just imagine me finding someone else to be with. sometimes I feel like walking out but there's this feeling that it might be the right thing to do.

Nowadays the streets aren't the same feel me. you can get in trouble and people might be after you but you handle the beef when it comes to you. when you are moving all of this girl. you make a lot of money off of it and I'm not letting that part of my life go because the money is outstanding. you still have to watch your back out here but the trust that I have for my family is unbelievable. people get murdered every day. you have to stay out of the way before that is you and I know you don't want that to be you right?

Who wants what y'all killed this track? when I was young running the streets. the beef was there and a lot of people that I thought were with me weren't at all. putting my life on the line for you but that can change in a second. this is my mind going on only believe half of what you see and believe what you see unless that person says something different. This is the mind of a man who's writing everything that comes to his mind. this is how I express myself again. this is all I know I do so yes you can do don't let it go past that.

It's not right it's not ladylike. trying to put things back together was hard but the fight getting back on my feet. yes, I did it because of my family. the way people said something about you. you should just overlook it because you know the type of person you are. staying focused on what's at hand because you never want to fall off. been seen throwing bull shit but never speaking on it. you show people that you have a good head on your shoulders I'm wheezing because I need my medicine.

And another one, you know what will make me so happy. if I knew the truth about where you stand because as of right now I know you are not here with me. I can feel it because the way you handle things makes me feel like you are on my side next to your sister. if you feel like you want to change up and give someone else a chance be my guess. you want me to spend all of this money on you. yes, you dig down in it. you are supposed to watch and learn. I can teach you how to get the bag that will make you set for the rest of your life.

People can be relentless at times but not me. all I asked for was for my family not to cross me and they did. so yeah I have to keep my guard up because people will hurt me. After all, people have no feelings at all. you have to stick to the family that you have created because they will never let you down trust me. when you find people looking for what you can help them with and I'm not talking about you. you know I like doing for you because you gave me all of these blessings. you turned my world from upside down to straightforward. 

You know that you are doing something right. when your girl feels happy and feels like she's the queen. that's what you mean to me but if we shall ever break up it will be hard but I know I have to move on. I get caught up so much in taking care of your business that you forget about loving my women. I know the comfort of a man is all she wants but the bills are calling and I know you like nice things. we can lie down whenever you want just let me know and we can do that. I'm not forcing you right now, so you should enjoy yourself.

Creating space between two people can cause conflict but it didn't with us because we know where home is. not being in one another life for this long time has closed us. we do things that one another will be happy for the other person that's in our life. we need to keep up the good work because the things that we do will pay off in the future for both of us. we just have to believe in our work and whoever is a part of this will also advance in life and their company. this is put together by us and we will accept it.

You can spoil women but if that woman is not interested in money. what else can you give her how about you give her your heart. she probably likes long walks on the beach and walks in the park and just hanging out with you. She probably values your company. if you have a woman like that you keep her. show her love by doing all of the things I just told you because she will love you even more trust me. some females have their own money so they can buy whatever they want to buy but time is everything.

If God gave you a gift continue to work on that gift because you never know what can happen. for our family to be accomplishing this much. we had to put the work in it doesn't come easy at all. stay on your job and I told you if you have to tour go for it. the respect we have just continue to respect our relationship. I know you wouldn't do anything to mess that up right? you look like you are a down-ass girl and will handle me but if I go to black justice will you ride or die? the time I will get maybe a long time.

A company is built on hard work. you have to work even when you don't want to work. when you have that understanding achieving goals come easy trust me. you should rely on what you have just know you are not in it by yourself. I will forever have your back as long as you don't do anything to hurt me. look at where we are at right now everybody working and getting things done. this is exactly what I wanted for us. putting our all into our dreams. followed by strength and dedication to our craft.

Thank God I have you in my presence. Baby the only thing I want to do is shower you with gifts. this is the real meaning of love. you have shown me that. when other girls look like they want to talk to me. I curve them for you because of the way you make me feel. I know if I lose you I will probably have bad luck because you have blessed me with these wonderful children and if you don't have children by me. just think about it either you never had sex or I'm the only one you've ever been with. you should be proud of yourself.

Stepping out wasn't intended but since it happened let me say more. as a kid having a lot of females every day in my house with me and then all of a sudden, it was over. I should have gone cold turkey back then but I want y'all to know every day my mind was with y'all believe me. half of my life was having sexual contact and the other half had no kind of sexual contact and I'm 36 years old. so that 18 doing and 18 not doing. you learn the dos and don'ts as a young kid. I remember moe used to have me listening to it written all over your face.

I just have to see how this is going to turn out. I’m outside right now thinking about keeping you next to me. I can’t wonder about you with someone else and I never want you to walk out. the rest of my life I want it to be with you. so yes I have to do whatever it is that I can do to keep your mind sane for the better for the sake of our children. the conversation we have should be about positive thoughts because if it’s anything different. there’s a great deal that we might break up and I can’t have that. I think you mean more to me.

When she was in the kitchen cooking for me. she was listening to Usher You Got It Bad. So does that mean when you are out with someone you think about me? the person you better be out with better is you know what cause if I have to change her soul I will. you know about the boy who cried wolf. I'm telling you this because it is going to turn into the girl that cried wolf. when you said strip because of what you did when getting out of the shower were you thinking about me because I was right there when you came out of the room?

If I'm looking for the same girl that's a girl that's focused on herself you know. one that has her shit together and doesn't mind staying in. If it has work on it yes I want her to get to that paper. I'm the one who wants to see you succeed in doing what she likes to do. laying there looking sexy as hell. She stays on her grind that's what I like to see. when you are not here I hope you remember you got a man at home and I don't want to talk to you. I want to talk to that cat. so put her on the phone I'm asking if is everything okay, this is Elijah.

I just have one question is home where the heart at? I'm just filling in the blanks to my madness. you know I'm just playing how did it go. you are so far away from me. you know I get worried when you are gone because I can't have any man looking at you. my mind knows that you are faithful to me but I can't help but to wonder. this life that we have is enough for you. let me stop playing I know it's enough for you. okay, I'm talking to you again but keep her comfortable never let another man come between us.

Let's get the facts straight the only time you went platinum was when you were with my team. so stop saying ain't nobody else go platinum on my label because you are lying. after you got drop everything after that went wood. the game trust me I understand the rules that people play out here. the only reason y'all was known was because y'all was playing with my money. yeah, you might not be beefing with the family man but Mase told you if you know then handle that shit with him. it's crazy how people who were with you now side with the other side.

If 1974 was the year that you were born and 410 is the date that she got pregnant and that's gangster disciple. this can only mean one thing I might have a shot at having both of y'all. let's see where this goes. if both of y'all have children by me. this is what I'm trying to figure out. I'm not trying to throw it in y'all face everything that I did for y'all family but I think I have been a good man with everything that has taken place. since the first time I saw you, I remember texting you asking you what team you are on and then you called and said you see me.

She was holding me down on the block and I love her for that. I feel like she is the one I could put this rock on her finger. so she could walk around and show it off to everyone. I never doubted you for one minute. I had to make sure you were built for this life with me. every call you sent me I came straight to the house and gave you and then mother asking me if I'm going home. I knew that was you wanting me to go home to keep you company and every time I said yeah it didn't matter what I was doing.

People wouldn't be able to disguise themselves from people who know you right. I remember having a conversation with you and you said two people that were close to you didn't like clowns. then I told you when I was out of town. I went swimming at night but I wasn't supposed to but who cares. running around the pool I slipped and fell and fell in the water but I was able to swim back to the top and by the way, I'm an excellent swimmer. I hurt my arm after that I never went to a pool again and you told me that shouldn't be the reason to go back to the pool.

Letting the music speak for itself has always been the way I feel the vibes. you should always want to be in my corner because I have ambition to do better for my family. you want to drop the top and ride down sunset with your hair blowing in the wind. what the hell are you doing right you should be reading what I write because you have to keep up with me. this is our company and you should take it seriously because I'm not playing. I see there aren't any pics surfacing about you hanging out.

If I wanted to be a player trust me I would but the females keep a young man straight. why would I look for another female? when I have a lot of different females that are in my life that means many different cats. thunder, when it storms it rains hard, feel me. yes, I did that and I will continue to close whoever had something to do with me being set up. please don't disrespect me because if so it will be consequences and I know you wouldn't like it. so keep your shit tight feel me. a pic is like stabbing me in my back.

Stay scheming when that shit went down it had me thinking for a minute. you sitting in there wanting to come home. I was coming from uptown and passed the corner. She got this look on her face like you better get my sister out and the only thing I could do was shake my head. what about when you walked to the corner and immediately walked back down the block? you had this look on your face like I better handle business. you know I got what you need this rap shit like the drug game. you have to have them coming back for more.

When I got the phone call the other day, the call was about putting 300 versus up and yes I'm trying my best to do so. it takes time to put this writing together before you say something I know you think about what you are saying. after the judge acquitted your case another case was born and I know I told you to take it to trial. I'm so happy we were able to do for you by getting you the best lawyer. fast forward to now, I'm trying to keep the words I tell you. so you can believe me, and when I tell you something I mean it.

You can't be with someone who wants to cheat on the other person. you changed this man for the better and you should be proud of yourself because know other women could do that. their four seasons and the last one is fall. what's the knowledge in that? it's like whichever way I look it has something to do with you. following up on what we talked about when I first came to your house about you telling me stories came true, right? So don't ever think I'm not trying to handle business it's just that business can get hard to handle sometimes.

When I asked you to deal why would you lie or cheat on me? this time around I plan on holding on to this woman that captured my heart before someone else steals her right from under me but you know what she said you have nothing to worry about. I remember walking down the block and in my mind she said call the phone she will answer the phone. so when I passed by her apartment I called and she answered the phone and she said her mother was out of town. when we first had a conversation she wanted to know if the chemistry was there.

Girls get plucked like chickens. this is a public service announcement. if you are a chicken head you have to get your shit together. I'm thinking about eating eggs tonight please tell me do that hurts your feelings. these ducks hanging out must be on some bull shit trying to take me out because I ain't got it. please the only thing you are getting is a happy meal and she said supersize ME don't even supersize anymore. I was just there trying to get some french fries. this goes out to you for saying you are sending me a pic and I still ain't got it yet.

When I first saw you I was on the basketball court and my friends called you to talk to me. I came outside of the park and started talking to you. you were coming to the park every day to see me and then I had to go out of town. I know I should've told you why and then one day I came back home and you were crossing the street. then you walked up the block and I said nothing that was because I didn't want to talk because I needed to know I was coming home for good. that's why when you walked to the store with my son. I came to see y'all.

Always going to Debbie seeing you there. you always stayed in the room and only came out when you were going out to get something to eat or release yourself. you looked so good to me, you were the cutest person I have laid my eyes on in a long while. you made me feel like it was meant to be but I never said anything to you out of respect for her. I'm sitting here wondering what are you doing right now and do you have a family by me. if this is possible please understand that I will be the happiest person in the world. 

Take away the money and the fame. we are all regular people at the end of the day. so we should be treated as such feel me. moving on with my life with the ladies who are here for me is all I want to do. you showed me know sympathy and now that I'm on my feet you can't come back to me. the way I'm moving today only the ones that have been here for me will reap the benefits of what I have accomplished. I can't tell y'all how much I'm thankful to you, she's standing right over my shoulders telling me to work more.

If I had seven days to get my shit together trust me I will because you are the one that makes me smile. I can't help the way I feel about you because you have shown me that life means more than money and I'm setting aside a business for us to run. so we can have all of the things that we need. so be grateful for me because some females take their men for granted and I can't take this anymore. when we fell in love I had my hopes high hoping you do not cross me and I mean to say status because that's the word I like to use.

Being by your side because you are a grown woman. that have all of the qualities that you are the right woman for me. I have this heartfelt idea that you make 50% of me. being that you are my half sharing it three-way because the corner of the puzzle feels like I can't figure it out. After all, it's too hard to understand. I don't know why but if I keep playing this little game that is set up for me to play. I think I got it down pack now because I played it every day, this is like school because you are here to learn.

Let's get into how hard a woman can love. the man only knows what he sees and that's his father walking out on his mother. so a course that's in his blood right but think about it a women hold down the household as a single parent. if I have this dot on my hand and females get their period that is the reason they have babies and their bodies have to check in with me and when people pass they come back into me. from my writing, you should have learned who I am and what I am doing here to protect my people.

You must love me. if we continue to do for one another we together can accomplish anything we put our minds to. yes, I'm grateful you are in my life. I can't get over the fact that that happened to you. looking at you when that happened. I knew I had to put my game face on to take care of you a woman that's scorn will never forget. I'm not saying it was my fault but we moved on from that but the scenario had to be written. yes, I put it in a book to express the way I feel about you.

You must love me. if we continue to do for one another we together can accomplish anything we put our minds to. yes, I'm grateful you are in my life. I can't get over the fact that that happened to you. looking at you when that happened. I knew I had to put my game face on to take care of you. women whose scorn will never be forgotten. I'm not saying it was my fault but we moved on from that but the scenario had to be written. yes, I put it in a book to express the way I feel about you.

Doing it the first one that I need to have sex with has to be the one. they just told me the key she wanted me to pull off in the car while she rode beside me. the only one I look at you want this the way I want you. you always keep my mind focused, shit I can't get mad about another ninja shooting their game because if you know me I don't have to give mine up until the end of the road from boys to men. she's telling me age ain't nothing but a number sure I'm waiting for you. how long do I have to wait for my pics to come through I want to see my children having fun.

When you are sitting back lounging. you can see who's with you before you choose one to be with you. I know the money won't keep a lady but me getting money. money can't change up on me. people may say it's enough to go around. yeah, I'm watching my money stack up but if she is down to lie down with another person that's my guess. one thing that won't stress me out and that be getting to this paper and that's because I have been faithful to God. This is why he controls everything in my life. I can't think about the feds and a girl.

Falling without getting back up or at least fighting to get back up. you shouldn't stay down you should get back on your feet and handle what needs to be handled. there's only one God people if he is designed to be in my image. I mean I'm designed in his image right because if I open my arms and put it out to the side my legs are straight down. that's how he died on the cross but I like to say status for the reason that I have learned being in the streets. the best advice I can give someone is to thank God for what you have.

Better yet let's take our time because I'm trying not to run behind another person that had sex with someone else unless it's worth it. it has to be a long period between the two of us because the wait is on count and yes I can wait until I'm ready. debating on who shall break it because when you take time to restore your body to a virgin okay 24 years in the world without and 27 years without anyone in New York City. you should pace yourself because your baby girl wants you to use your mind.

I come to understand that this is her that's inside of me because she won't let anyone enter inside of me not even a conversation with another female. She won't let me go because she wants to protect me just in case it doesn't work out she wouldn't have to tell me she told me so. this is the main reason I'm listening to her. My inner self has to respect her because she has guided me this far and I'm not letting her go. The reason she doesn't trust me is that the person has to be someone that she loves and when that person enters my presents she will let me know.

Not knowing where the pick-me-up came from. her voice kept playing inside of my mind telling me to be faithful to her. who am I to let her down when I'm her protector? I used everything I had to go from hell to heaven to possess her soul inside of my body. I had to shed a lot of blood of course I was willing to let my mind be strong and I never cried when it was happening to control that part of my mind was hard but I did it. I didn't give up on her because she's my savior. let's be real I owe my whole life to her.

So I did what you asked for and put the pic up. I hope you are at a different time feel me. this means who do you belong with or engage with because you tell me everything that goes on in your life. I remember when you bent down on one knee and said there's hair on the carpet. this is more of you giving me the understanding that you are watching over me. by the way, my name is L's can I help you out with what you need help with? I never want to take you for granted. so this is my way to let you know that I need you never lady.

Yeah right, this is my life and I'm from Harlem. things sure can get messy with you and me. You might be in a relationship but why you are always telling me your thoughts? you should follow your heart before you find someone who's not for you. where we at baby creeping throw the frog he might be your brother. should I write this or hold it in my thoughts you know what I mean? this is why you told me but the mind has a mind of its own baby. I knew you wanted me to get out of the streets and I'm wondering if we share two children never family.